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Title: Relationships: Taking Care of Yourself in Moment Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 673 Category: Relationships

Relationships: Taking Care of Yourself in Moment By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Maria consulted with me because she was frustrated about distance she felt in her relationship with her husband, Carl. He wanted to be close to her, but she didn’t feel close to him.

“I think problem is that he often talks to me in a judgmental or condescending way. He sounds like a parent rather than a partner. I just hate being spoken to like that.”

“How do you respond when he speaks to you like that?” I asked.

“I withdraw and feel badly. Then later I sometimes try to talk with him about it, but he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. He thinks I’m too sensitive and that I just want to blame him.”

How often have you had experience of not knowing what to say in conflict? Later, after thinking about it, you think of all things you wish you would have said. Then you go back to your partner to try to deal with issue, only to discover that it’s too late - your partner doesn’t understand what you are talking about.

“Maria, imagine that part of you that hates being spoken to like Carl speaks to you is a small child. Would you let him speak to a child like that?”

“No. Actually, I don’t let him speak to our children like that. He speaks to them with kindness and caring because he knows that I will say something if he is mean to them.”

“So you stand up for your children in moment, but you don’t stand up for yourself, for child within you, in moment?”

For me spring always meant upcoming garage/yards sales to go to with my mom; but more importantly, those garage/yard sales I had with my mom. From these early experiences, I learned many valuable lessons that I use to this day. These include necessity of de-cluttering, finance, how to make change, how to price an item, how to organize and display items, and customer service. Thanks to my mom’s help, I was able to engage in an entrepreneurial endeavor at tender age of eight. I have fond memories of my many mini-business endeavors and feel that these ventures contributed to my desire and successes in owning my own business now. Here are some pointers to get your child involved in having a garage or yard sale of his or her own when you have one.

For Children 8 and above:

Gather Goods to Sell Have your children go through their items to determine what they are ready to sell, part with, or outgrown. You as a parent have veto power, but quite often children will not even think of parting with something they still use. As a matter of fact you may have to “assist” them in this step since it is likely they will want to keep just about everything they own. Be ready to ask them these questions: When was last time item was played with or used? 1)Why do they wish to keep it? 2)What does it mean to them? Having children answer these questions helps them to determine what items they wish to keep and those that have little value or use to them. This step teaches children importance of letting go of stuff they won’t use again and really don’t value. Having children de-clutter their lives this way is a valuable skill that will serve them well throughout life and keep them from falling into “packrat trap.”

Prepare Goods for Sale Have children prepare items for sale by cleaning dirty items and boxing items into separate boxes labeled “(Name)’s Garage Sale Items. This way, when it is time to set up for big garage sale day, your children will be able to find their “stock” easily.