Relationships: Giving to Get

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long asrepparttar author resource box atrepparttar 149032 end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

Title: Relationships: Giving to Get Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: Word Count: 724 Category: Relationships

Relationships: Giving to Get By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Are you giving love to your partner forrepparttar 149033 joy of giving, or are you giving to get love?

I receivedrepparttar 149034 following email on this topic, asking for my help:

“Hi, my name is Adam. I am living with my parents and I’m thinking of moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there are some things that make me feel upset, and I don’t really know what to do. I love her but she doesn’t seem to berepparttar 149035 person she was. At times she feels bad and upset. These periods last for about 4 - 5 days. During these times she seems more distant and our sex life just stops. This makes me frustrated because forrepparttar 149036 past year I have been working so hard to try and make her feel better when she feels bad. I thought that it was working but now it seems nothing I do works. I missrepparttar 149037 old times because she kissed me randomly all day and it made me feel so loved and wanted. She would hold me, and tell me great things. It was like a fantasy. Now, I’m lucky if she kisses me at least once in about 3 hours. I actually start all ofrepparttar 149038 kissing. I start all ofrepparttar 149039 holding. It feels like I have to start everything.

Mainly at times it feels like she just wants me as a friend. She doesn’t make me feel loved or wanted. My feelings about this come and go mainly aroundrepparttar 149040 times when she feels bad. But these feelings also come around sometimes when she is not feeling bad.

I just don’t have a clue what to do, and I need some help.”

Adam is giving to get. He wants control over getting Patty to validate his worth and fill him up. He is fine as long as Patty is having sex with him and kissing him a lot and making him feel “loved and wanted.” But, because Adam is not doing anything to make himself feel loved and wanted, he is addicted to Patty doing this. He is not giving his love to Patty from a full place inside, a place inside filled with love. Instead, he is empty inside and hopes that if he “works hard” and is nice to Patty, he can have control over getting her to fill his empty hole. As a result, Patty feels pulled on to take responsibility for Adam’s wellbeing, and becomes upset and distant inrepparttar 149041 face ofrepparttar 149042 pull. She is getting turned off to Adam and just wants him as a friend because his neediness is not attractive to her. When sex is a way for Adam to get validated - rather than an expression of his love - Patty will feel used rather than loved. when they have sex.

Just What Do We Mean by ABUSE Anyway?

Written by Rosella Aranda

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as all bylines and live hyperlinks are included. Also, a courtesy copy of your publication, though not necessary, would be appreciated. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Title: Just What Do We Mean by ABUSE Anyway? Author: Rosella Aranda Copyright: 2005 Contact: Word Count: 808 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

For most people,repparttar word abuse implies violent and malicious behavior. In fact, most mistreatment does NOT fall into that category. ALL MISTREATMENT LEAVES EMOTIONAL SCARS There are several basic types of mistreatment, but one thing that all types of mistreatment have in common is that they all cause great mental suffering. It’s important to realize that this damage occurs even ifrepparttar 149031 abuse is committed out of ignorance or exhaustion or any other mitigating factors.

Children have no way of discerning between intentional or unintentional harm. To them, it all hurts justrepparttar 149032 same. PHYSICAL MISTREATMENT AND NEGLECT Physical abuse includes any kind of corporal punishment: hitting, pushing, slapping, burning, biting, and even yanking. You often see parents yanking their children by repparttar 149033 arm as if they were dragging something by a leash. These behaviors may or may not leave physical scars, butrepparttar 149034 emotional scars always remain. There is also neglect, which is a deprivation of basic necessities: food, clothing, shelter, medical attention or adequate supervision. Leaving children alone who are too young to be in charge of themselves and their own safety is not only dangerous. It is cruel. The child might assurerepparttar 149035 parents that it’s okay with him because he senses that that’s what his parents want. In reality,repparttar 149036 child may be terrified of staying alone and even more afraid to say so. WITNESSING PHYSICAL ABUSE IS EQUALLY ABUSIVE Most people do not recognize that just witnessing physical abuse is also horrifying and extremely damaging. Ifrepparttar 149037 parents beat up on each other andrepparttar 149038 kid is forced to watch or hear or even witnessrepparttar 149039 aftermath, no one gets out of that scenario unscathed. SEXUAL ABUSE IS NOT CONFINED TO INTERCOURSE Sexual abuse occurs when a child is forced, tricked, or threatened to engage in any kind of sexual behavior. It is not limited to penetration or fellatio or fondling. It includes even watching or listening to any kind of sexual activity. Most people do not realize that sexual violation also occurs when there is a distortion of boundaries: • Grown-ups walking in on kids without regard for their intimate space • Grown-ups being too seductively clad or unclad

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