It occurred to me I should just jump into what often feels like “muck” of a better relationship with self because that is so often where intense work is being done. It can seem like a crisis or scuffles of getting through day. Instead of focusing on our relationship to self, creator of perceptions we are reacting to as absolute truths, we too often turn glaring spotlight on others in our lives.

This tendency traps one in a victim role where others hold power to dictate what we feel or do. To quote Steve Biko, “The greatest weapon of oppressor is mind oppressed.”

Consider that there are so many chances to look at how you talk to yourself, rather than obsessing about what your partner may have neglected to say to assure you or colleague who didn’t hand you an agenda at meeting when everyone else got one.

Usually, it seems this opportunistic moment is precisely one where we often select to falter, back track and undo work that’s been accomplished instead of seizing opportunity to move even closer to goal, our true destination— ourselves.

There is an intangible quality to choices and experiences. I believe this is why we have visceral reactions to them. For now lets just agree to call this idea of intangible substance energy. This energy is expressed in demeanor, attitude, and deeds put into being, when they are not productive we must find courage to be honest about that reality.

The self is calling you to claim your gifts, which exist to provide you with a temporal road map to success. The mission is to unearth, learn from, and apply it with intention of eventual mastery. This is point where a simple plan becomes an important part of “getting on with it” in a way that is meaningful.

But what is key to doing this? I have shared above with several people and too many didn’t get it. It wasn’t what they wanted to hear, so I wondered, “Had I failed or had they?” And did that matter? After all, its not as if we are in school being graded. But then again, isn’t that exactly what we do to ourselves?

To use phrase coined by Iyanla Vanzant, people get grounded in “Spiritual Special Ed” where they keep creating same drama over and over again. Yet, they react in same way and waste even more time by pouting over it and then in effect starting all over to end up acting out same script again as if they are oblivious to opportunity to choose to react differently.

Each time they are re-victimized, perhaps this is a consequence of a fear-based society, but since not everyone subcomes this can’t ultimately, in my opinion, be used to justify self-defeating responses.

My decision on issue of who failed? Once I clarified what my goal was and what need was that I was attempting to help other person address my focus became how to shift experience into one that was mutually empowering.

After getting permission to share examples from our work together, I decided to share specific examples based my case studies in hope of illuminating critical aspects of recovery from battered self-esteem and its symptoms.

If you were to pose these questions to average person on street, you might receive a variety of answers ranging from a geographical location to their detailed resume. The sad truth is that most people identify themselves by what they do as opposed to who they are. As a result, it is very difficult for individuals to take inventory of their skills and talents when contemplating a career change or lifestyle shift.

Because so many individuals identify themselves by their careers, their definitions change as corporate climate changes. In an age where downsizing and outsourcing have become norm, individuals are being forced to reevaluate their lives and careers and seek fulfillment independent of corporate environment. For those who have worked within same industry for ten or more years, this can result in a major culture shock. When you've been defined by your employer for so long, what are you to do when relationship has been severed without your concurrence?