Most people don't know how to do this. As a result, most relationships go through a predictable cycle:

=> Honeymoon: 1 week to 3 months => Struggle: Up to 3 years or more => Negotiation and peace or breakup

To avoid this cycle and establish a nourishing relationship for both of you, you and your partner need to have a deep, extended conversation. It may span many discussions, perhaps over weeks or even a month. The right time to initiate this conversation is when it's clear to both of you there is mutual interest and both of you are ready to go further. However, it is never too late to have this conversation, even if you have been together for years.

Cover following topics in this conversation:

* What you expect from each other, or from a "relationship partner," on emotional, mental and everyday levels.

* What actions, words and feelings each of you needs from other, or from a "relationship partner," in order for both of you to thrive.

* What you and your partner refuse to tolerate in a relationship and from a "relationship partner."

While having this conversation, it is important that you both listen to each other intently, frequently paraphrasing what other person is saying.

I invite you to think of Valentine's Day as "Focus on Love Day," as opposed to "Hurt About Lack of Love Day" or "Ignore Being Single Day."

Below you will find ways to make your "Focus on Love Day" extraordinarily romantic, whether you are in a long-term relationship, dating, or are single.

A note for people who are in a new relationships, or who are dating someone but are not in a committed relationship. At beginning of a relationship, it is best not to have too any expectations about how Valentine's Day will be celebrated. It is also best not to get disappointed if it is not celebrated in just way you would want. In time, as you and your partner get closer, both of you will be able to celebrate Valentine's Day and other holidays in more meaningful ways.

This Valentine's Day, create a perfect "Focus on Love Day" for yourself, regardless of what your dating partner may or may not have planned for you. Look at suggestions for singles below.

Then, do something small, but meaningful for your dating partner. Look for suggestions for couples below, but tone activity down a bit.

And now, 10 ways to make your "Focus on Love Day" extraordinarily romantic:

1. The Perfect Day

Couples: See if you can start to notice what your lover dreams about, wishes for. Listen for small, attainable things that can make a big difference. Alternatively, subtly question your lover about what he/she pictures as perfect Valentine's Day. Now take information you have gathered and make it into a perfect day for him or her.

Singles: If you had a partner, what would you have him or her do to create your perfect Valentine's Day? Create it for yourself - love yourself that much.

2. The Perfect Card + One Perfect Rose

Couples: Buy or make a lovely card and then fill it to brim with words of love, admiration and appreciation. By "fill it to brim," I mean leave no white space untouched. Present it with one perfect rose.

Singles: Buy or make a lovely card for yourself, and just as above, fill it to brim with words you want to hear from your future lover. Seal envelope and open it on Valentine's Day. Present it to yourself with one perfect rose.

3. Valentine's Day is Not Just for Women

Couples: Ladies, I have it on good authority that guys want to be celebrated too. So get him flowers and candy and a card, too.

Singles: Guys, give yourself that same wonderful Valentine's Day as a relationship partner would give you. You may feel silly, but you will also feel good.

4. Say Goodbye to Obligation, Say Hello to Open Heart

Couples: Don't give or do anything out of obligation this Valentine's Day. Give only from your heart, from love and treasuring your partner. No matter how good or bad your relationship is going, get in touch with how much you truly love and appreciate your partner. Give from that space.