Family: Rediscovering Love and Intimacy

Rediscovering Love and Intimacy

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

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Title: Rediscovering Love and Intimacy Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 740 Category: Relationships

Rediscovering Love and Intimacy By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Wendy started counseling with me because Terence, her husband of 14 years, had just expressed to her that he wanted to end their relationship. Wendy, terrified of being alone, was panicked. Within a few minutes of speaking with her in a phone session, I understood exactly repparttar 110946 underlying cause of their relationship problems.

Wendy, coming from a family where she experienced much neglect, had a deep abandonment fear. In her family, Wendy had learned to be a caretaker, giving herself up and taking care of everyone else’s feelings and needs. Wendy had learned to put her own feelings in a closet, hoping that if she took care of everyone else, someone would care about her. As an adult, she continued in this pattern, taking care of her husband and children but completely neglecting to take care of herself. As a result, she was often very angry at Terence and her children when they didn’t listen to her or approve of her.

People often end up treating us repparttar 110947 way we treat ourselves. Because Wendy was treating herself as if she was unimportant, Terence and her children also treated her as if she was unimportant. Because Wendy didn’t listen to herself, Terence and her children didn’t listen to her. Her fury at Terence and her children for not seeing her or listening to her further alienated them from her. Terence had reached repparttar 110948 point where he was no longer willing to be at repparttar 110949 other end of Wendy’s anger.

Rather than take emotional responsibility for her own well being, Wendy was making Terence and her children emotionally responsible for her. She was abandoning herself, just as her parents had abandoned her, and was expecting Terence to give her what she never received from her parents.

Terence was also not taking emotional responsibility. He had spent much of their marriage trying to make Wendy happy while ignoring his own feelings and needs. He vacillated between compliance and resistance. When he complied, Wendy felt better but he felt terrible from repparttar 110950 sense of loss of himself. When he resisted, Wendy felt rejected and became enraged. Terence ended up feeling like he was a victim of Wendy. He blamed her for his misery and felt he no alternative but to leave.

Retirement – Its Sooner Than You Think!! (honestly)

Written by Kate Hufstetler

Many people hear "retirement" and think— what? 401K? Roth vs. Traditional IRA? Stocks, bonds, mutual funds? Do they?

Or do many people put money away according to repparttar suggested amount and then simply hope that when retirement comes all will work out?

One report I read estimated that 66 million Americans have put away a Whopping $0 towards retirement.

Many people are still thinking there might be a thing called Social Security around when they retire. Social Security: as of 2004, repparttar 110944 average annual Social Security retirement benefit is approximately $11,000. That is not a lot to live on folks. Plus, we all hear repparttar 110945 news periodically that there might not be any Social Security around when we get older and need it.

And as a further WAKE UP call, I found a calculator which estimated (without Social Security): * a couple at 40 * bringing in $90k a year (together) * with very modest investments would need to save an additional $2,690,000.00 ( yes 2 million +) in order to retire at 65-- OR – plan on working an additional 29 years!!

Now before you get overwhelmed and click over to another article—lets put our heads together and simply cover a few very very basic start up basics.

1) Standard Of Living: You need to know at what standard of living you will want to live during retirement. 2) Basic Living Expenses: You will need to calculate repparttar 110946 cost of basic living expenses (at that level) i.e. electric bill now of $200 = what in 2030? 3) Hobbies and Leisure Activities: Know what type of hobbies, and leisure activities you will keep busy with and what their cost might be then. 4) Family Visiting / Travel: Realize that more and more children move away when grown. So while they work out of state—YOU may need to do repparttar 110947 traveling to see them. Plan for these costs. 5) Convalescent Care (nursing home costs) provincially run about $100/day median. You will need to multiply that times repparttar 110948 same 4% inflation rate. Then multiply that times repparttar 110949 number of years before you may need it—to approximate how much you may need to afford for your housing when you need assistance. Truth be known—WE need to plan to handle that cost ourselves, rather than think our children will be able to take on that kind of additional cost.

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