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I hate computers.
Now, coming from a person who's been involved with them since 1967, you might think that's a bit over
top.
Well...it's not *actually*
computers that's
problem, of course, it's
software -
programs that run in them, that I *really* hate.
I also hate ATMs. Now, that's a double whammy for
poor, dumb machines!
But, like computers on
desk, ATMs are everywhere, and by golly, there're *so* convenient, aren't they? However, now that we have ATMs and computers in an unholy alliance, specifically designed to ruin your day at any nanosecond, I was happy - *well, almost* - when I had to turn to
customer service desk at my local bank for help.
Y'see,
ATM had just swallowed my cash card and had issued this terse message: "Invalid transaction - card retained", to be immediately followed by another: "Please use another card and try again." Huh? I didn't *have* another card on me right now, did I! And, I knew that there was sufficient money in
account...
Naturally I was annoyed but, resisting
urge to give it a Coke machine kick, I went instead to
customer service desk to sort
problem out. Here, I thought, I'd get
attention I deserve as a good customer, you know, talk to a *real* person, blah, blah, blah...
Ever been to la-la land? Well, we all get there, once in a while I guess, but...at 9.30 in
morning? Bear with me, for a few moments, while I relate
nadir of Customer Relationship Management - aka CRM for all internet aficionados - a la local bank style...
ME: "Look...er...my son, Danny Burke, asked me to get some money from
machine, and that one" - me pointing accusingly -"just upped and took it. Would you be able to help, please?" I smile helpfully (I tried to look a bit sheepish also - that sometimes helps).
SHE: "You shouldn't have done that!" Slightly frowning, and a bit of a sharp note to her voice.
ME (nonplussed, eyebrows raised): "Huh...what...oh, yes, well, he gave me his PIN...he's in school now" - glancing at my watch - "so, he can't be..."
SHE (cutting in): "You're not supposed to use his PIN - unless of course you're AUTHORIZED." Voice definitely rising now, but not yet shrill. Glares at me, accusingly.
ME (defensively and now, a bit angry): "Hey...I know about PINs and their use...and I don't need a lecture from you!" (glaring back now). I had been part of
online systems development team, at one of
major Canadian banks, in
mid 70s...so, I knew whereof I spoke.
SHE (slightly retreating now): "Well!" A pause. "Well, where is
card, you say?" I point to
machine again. "Well, I suppose I'll go and get it...one moment...please" (almost an afterthought, by
sound of it).
She stalks off. Idly, I contemplate darkly how hard I can jam some old receipts down an ATM slot when I leave...if I ever get outta here, as
band said, yeah, if I *ever* get outta here...where are *my* wings, I wonder?