When my son was born there was a clear sense that this was territory that I knew: there will be wrestling, playing ball together, playing with cars and, he has a penis! There was a sense of security from all of this and a deep sense of knowing.

Raising a daughter creates different issues for many fathers; it is even more challenging considering cultural landscape that exists today.

To better understand these issues, it is helpful to explore expectations of girls that we have as fathers, many of which may be expectations handed down from our own fathers.

Some men feel a strong need to control their daughters, and expect them to act “nice” at all times.

Others shower their daughters with all of gifts and "things" that they’ll ever need, seeing them as weaker than boys (therefore not encouraging strength and discipline in them).

It’s easy for fathers to treat their sons and daughters differently. They can be rough-and-tumble with their sons…but treat their daughters with kid gloves. This opportunity to wrestle or to play physically with your daughters is extremely important, because it shows them that you believe they are capable enough to handle it. (If your daughter is eighteen, it’s probably not a good idea to start now.)

The cultural messages we get are that girls and young women are valued for being beautiful, thin, talented, etc. Girls should also be happy, agreeable and eager to please. This cultural backdrop may be partly responsible for alarming statistics concerning rates of depression, anorexia, bulimia, and other disorders for girls when they are approaching or have entered their teen years.

So how can fathers overcome some of these barriers and help create daughters who become strong, secure women?

If fathers want their daughters to grow up to be strong and secure women, it is absolutely essential that they like women and that they respect them.

1.Model emotional intelligence yourself

Yes, your kids are watching very closely. They see how you respond to frustration, they see how resilient you are, and they see whether you’re aware of your own feelings and feelings of others.

2.Be willing to say “no” to your kids

There’s a lot of stuff out there for kids. And your kids will ask for a lot of it. Saying no will give your kids an opportunity to deal with disappointment and to learn impulse control. To a certain degree, your job as a parent is to allow your kids to be frustrated and to work through it. Kids who always get what they want typically aren’t very happy.

3.Be aware of your parental “hotspots”

Know what your issues are—what makes you come unglued and what’s this really about? Is it not being in control? Not being respected? Underneath these issues lies a fear about something. Get to know what your fear is so you’re less likely to come unglued when you’re with your kids. Knowing your issues doesn’t make them go away, it just makes it easier to plan for and to deal with.

4.Practice and hone your skills at being non-judgmental

Start labeling feelings and avoid name-calling. Say, “he seems angry,” rather than, “what a jerk.” When your kids are whiny or crying, saying things like, “you seem sad,” will always be better than just asking them to stop. Depriving kids of feelings they’re experiencing will only drive them underground and make them stronger.

5.Start coaching your kids