Putting Your Child To BedWritten by Russell Turner
Are you glad for chance to put your child to bed? Is this a great time for you and your kids or is it serious business? Is it a time in your day you look forward to, or do you have to grit your teeth to face struggle? Bedtime is a terrific opportunity for us and our children. Spending just a few minutes with each of our children at bedtime can offer us chance to really connect with them in ways that during day, which is often hectic, it is much more difficult.I love bedtime. Not just expectation of peace and quiet after they’re asleep, but opportunities for meaningful conversations that so often arise. When bedtime rolls around, my kids will do anything to stay up later. A function of this is everything that they said or did that hasn’t come up during day will come out. A lot of times this is when most insightful questions, problems they may be facing, or just funny things that happened to them pop up. This is a great opportunity for me to hear about many important aspects of their lives that I might otherwise miss. It’s also perfect time to discuss these things in a quiet private setting. It gives me chance to do some real parenting. I can take these opportunities to teach them about life, about God’s purpose, and about their purpose. On every birthday my girls try to negotiate a new (later) bedtime. They aren’t always successful but when I’m deciding on a bedtime I always make it a half-hour earlier than they really need to be in bed. Then I tell them they can read for a half-hour before finally turning out light. This accomplishes two goals. They think they’re getting away with something, and more importantly, it allows me time with each of them. I don’t feel rushed, or that I’m keeping them up too late. Some nights we can take up to half of their reading time talking about their day.
| | Saying No To Our ChildrenWritten by Russell Turner
Saying no to our children is not always easy or pleasant. Sometimes it is very hard work and we don’t want to face struggle. Most of us at some time will find ourselves saying yes when we know we should have said no. Some people almost never say no. The funny thing is though, more I am prepared to say no, and mean it, and enforce it, less I have to say it. Children get message. We have to say no to our diabetic children often enough, for health reasons, that you would think we would be better at it for other things. I know sometimes I feel a little guilty saying no to something after a series of diabetes related no’s. But I still have to say no anyway. Parents who have to say no for most of day will probably admit that they are not enforcing it. They give in too soon. When you do this you are sending mixed messages to your children about what they are and are not allowed to do. There are many reasons why we find it difficult to say no. However, there are some common patterns that we all display at some time or another. These are some common reasons, I know I need to raise my own hand at a couple of these. We want to protect or child from “pain” or discomfort of disappointment. We want to protect ourselves from facing his feelings of anger or disappointment. We want to avoid responsibilities of making a decision about an issue. * We want to keep peace and fear row, or other consequences that may follow. We need our child’s approval, want to be his friend, and fear his rejection. We want to keep times we are with our child free from conflict. We can get necessary strength, confidence and authority to say no when it matters by understanding these reasons more fully. Protecting Your Child from Pain of Disappointment. Of course it hurts to see our children suffer, but mild discomfort and disappointment are a part of life. Our children will be better equipped to cope with realities of life if they experience and learn to manage disappointment. This doesn’t mean we should go out of our way to expose them to pain. It does mean that being cause of their disappointment is not something we should feel guilty about. Being used to accepting no, and realizing that they can survive disappointment, makes them stronger in face of adversity and gives them a better idea of which “wants” are really important to them. Going without once in a while helps to develop a sense of priorities and character. Protecting Ourselves from our Child’s Feelings of Anger or Disappointment. We sometimes avoid saying no to protect ourselves from having to respond to our children’s negative reaction. As parents, we are used to “making them feel better”; but how can we do this without giving in? We can’t. We also can’t avoid their negative reaction. We have to ”stand in” and tough it out. Sometimes saying nothing is best for situation
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