Put Down That pencil

Written by Jim Henderson

You’re surrounded, commandedrepparttar booming metallic voice from outside. Give yourself up!

The occupant insiderepparttar 118309 barricaded room defiantly replies, I’m not giving up!

Moments later a squad a black uniformed men in combat boots burst intorepparttar 118310 room amid a shower of splinters. The remnants ofrepparttar 118311 door lay in pieces under their feet. Every man’s rifle is pointed atrepparttar 118312 “suspect”.

Stand back, he menaces threateningly! I’ve got a weapon. I’ve used it before and if I have to, I’ll use it again. Brandishing a pencil, he waves it about wildly. Another pencil is tucked behind his ear. The swat team freezes. It’s their worst scenario,repparttar 118313 one they dreadrepparttar 118314 most, a deranged “writer”.

Put down that pencil before someone gets hurt,repparttar 118315 squad leader calmly intones. We’ve got to take you in.

On what grounds,repparttar 118316 belligerent man stammers? “Impersonating an author” isrepparttar 118317 reply.

For a momentrepparttar 118318 suspect hesitates, trigger fingers flex nervously. Silence, and thenrepparttar 118319 squad leader speaks. It doesn’t have to be like this, he attempts to reason withrepparttar 118320 potential assailant. Allrepparttar 118321 while, every member ofrepparttar 118322 swat team is thinking to himself, What if that pencil goes off? Adjectives and verbs and other projectiles could fillrepparttar 118323 room with their deadly spray. And everyone knows that names really can hurt you!

The suspect appears confused and angry. You don’t understand, no one does. Not my wife,repparttar 118324 kids, or my boss at work. Even my own mother thinks I’m crazy to want to be a writer! His voice trails off, You don’t think I’m crazy, do you? Of course not, said,repparttar 118325 officer. Both men know he’s lying.

For a brief moment, there is silence inrepparttar 118326 standoff. The situation appears to be stabilized, yet precariously perched onrepparttar 118327 precipice of chaos. The sergeant glances aroundrepparttar 118328 room. He is appalled byrepparttar 118329 sight,repparttar 118330 obvious signs of an addict are all around! Pads of paper, writing journals, ...andrepparttar 118331 pencils! Those deadly implements of senseless verbiage and prose. A trash can off to side is surrounded, overflowing with crumpled wads of attempted literary efforts. It’s much worse than I thought. If only someone seenrepparttar 118332 signs, had turned him in, he could have gotten help. But now it’s come to this. Another literary “wannabe” with delusions of grandeur.

I Own A Dog

Written by Jim Henderson

I own a dog, or to be more precise, a four-legged fur-covered food processor (food goes in one end and outrepparttar other). Several considerations have prompted me to reexamine its’ purported reputation as mans’ best friend. Dog ownership, like everything else, has become more complicated sincerepparttar 118308 first canine showed up at a cave looking for a handout. Take veterinary care for instance. Our pets are entitled to a more sophisticated level of health care than existed inrepparttar 118309 entire world atrepparttar 118310 turn ofrepparttar 118311 century. Or training devices like electronic dog shock collars (currently not available for children). The difference is apparent even in something so trivial as dog food. From bones and table scraps to a modern day fare of a myriad of meat-by-products blended in a carbohydrate paste designed by a team of Nobel prize-winning nutritional dieticians (which strongly resemble reformulated table scraps). To illustraterepparttar 118312 extreme thatrepparttar 118313 consumer public has attained to, one cat food boasts that it protects a cat's urinary tract health. So far I am unable to get concerned about a cat's urinary tract health although it appears that many cat owners must be. You may have noticed that there is as yet no counterpart claim made to dog owners which leads me to believe that they are not as totally self absorbed as compared to pet owners ofrepparttar 118314 feline persuasion. Surely this paranoia isrepparttar 118315 climax of Madison Avenue's cavalcade ofrepparttar 118316 preposterous andrepparttar 118317 paltry and deserves a berth right up there with “ring-around-the-collar” and “the heartbreak of psoriasis.”

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