A valiant soldier returns from war to receive a warm welcome and thanksgiving from all those innocent lives he swore to defend. The people are grateful. He's awarded medals, invited into homes of many; he's spotlight of great celebrations and an instant hometown hero. Sound familiar? During course of war, in which we are currently engaged, it's happened many times - as it has happened in many wars past.

A prisoner is walked down halls. He's been in prison for years, and will finally taste freedom once again. His heart is joyous! But, society is unsure about his release. No one will invite this ex-convict into their home to celebrate his return, his release from a sentence served. He will not be paraded around town followed by hundreds of thankful and grateful souls! His joy is his own. No one thanks him for making it through, no one holds a celebration of his release, he should be ashamed of his crime and will make every attempt to hide it and time he served.

Now consider following: A child finally escapes, whether through telling or running away or growing up, from an abusive relationship. It could have been a relative, a family friend, a stranger or anyone. They spent days, or weeks, months and possibly years; suffering at hands of an abuser. Now, he's on his own - he feels ashamed to reveal his past to friends, family and/or acquaintances.. he must find his own support. Maybe through anonymous internet where no one will recognize him. Maybe he'll sort through hundreds of therapists available. Maybe he'll develop courage to tell someone close to him, maybe not. No one thanks him for making it through, no one is grateful for his sacrifice, no one holds a celebration in his honor, no one can know his horror.

An abuse survivor is treated more like a prisoner being released than a soldier returning home from war. Why is that? I believe there are several reasons why this happens.

1. Survivor creates wrong impression. The definition of word explains why:

Survivor: 1. To remain alive or in existence. 2. To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere: families that were surviving in tents after flood. 3. To remain functional or usable: I dropped radio, but it survived.

The definition implies that an abuse survivor simply remained alive, existed throughout and after abuse, carried on despite hardships/trauma, persevered despite what was happening to them in secret. This definition is false when used to desribe someone who has escaped abusive situations (escaped: whether that be by growing older, reporting abuse, moving, or however situation ended.).

A truer definition is present under word "prevailer."

Prevailer: 1. To be greater in strength or influence; triumph: prevailed against enemy. 2. To be or become effective; win out: hoped justice would prevail.

The definition of prevailer implies that someone who prevailed over their abuser is greater in strength and influence; has triumphed over abuser(s) & abuse.

She herself had been on a transatlantic passage on QE II. Every time she talked about it, we both remembered old treatment for what ails you – an ocean voyage. If your boyfriend broke up with you (and you were rich), your mother took you on an ocean cruise. If you suffered some reversal of fortune, there was same solution. It was assumed an ocean voyage would cure you.

You will know what it cured one of. We all go through these things, though not all of us are lucky enough to do healing on a cruise ship.

Not that I’d experienced any loss, rejection or trauma, but I was ready to get out in ocean and feel magic.

After we'd explored ship and done some things, she sat me down in a deck chair and brought me a libation and we chatted while I enjoyed ocean view and began to unwind.

"How far out we are," I thought. "How vast this ocean. So this is what it's like to set sail and venture far from land. No wonder people used to take ocean cruises to heal after a trauma. Here we are, so tiny in middle of water. How marvelous it is to see no land in sight. How freeing.”