I was faced with this question some years ago.

Allow me to back up for just a minute. Years ago, I bought one of Zig Ziglar's books on how to raise positive kids. I first bought this book because, like many fathers, I wanted to know how to raise and discipline my son when time came. Little did I know that this book didn't deal so much with actions of son, but more with actions of parents! It wasn't long before I started exercising certain techniques in that book, and noticed they were actually molding my son right before my eyes.

My son was not into drugs, didn't stay out all night and really never gave his mother and I any problems. Oh…did I mention that my son was only 5 years old at time? What you are about to read might surprise you, but I feel that it very well could inspire some of you as parents, not to mention some of your children.

Because my son was an only child, he learned to pacify himself by either watching TV or doodling on paper. We made sure he had all favorite cartoon movies children liked to watch. It wasn't long before we noticed that our son would watch TV for only a short time before he would go find his toys, which were small characters in his movies. He would place these toys in front of him with crayon and paper close by, and continue to watch movies while slowly trying to draw characters.

One of techniques that Zig Ziglar mentioned in this book -- I'll have to be honest here, its only technique that really stood out in my mind; I can't remember others, but I still have that book -- was to praise child. But wait! It was to praise child to other adults in such a way that child just happened to be within hearing range. It's one thing to receive praise yourself, but to overhear your parents bragging on you to people on phone or in other room -- it seems to have a far greater impact. I think we all can relate to that, even as adults.

Back to title of this little story. "When should an Artist NOT sign his work?" My answer is when he's only 7 years old, and his handwriting is larger than picture he just finished. See, as we continued to praise Kyle for his artwork, it wasn't long before he was calling himself an Artist, (he believed it with his whole heart) because he overheard us call him that to others. I had already taught him to sign his artwork, because all Artists signed their work.

To discipline is to teach. When we discipline we teach our children to have self-control, to be considerate of others, and to feel secure. A home with no discipline is a recipe for chaos. Parents become exhausted and easily stressed. Children feel out of control, oftentimes exhibiting unacceptable social behavior without any real consequences. As parents we owe it to our family to maintain order. We discipline our kids as a means of setting limits and restoring a state of equilibrium in home. But how do we effectively discipline? The first step to discipline involves saying “NO“. This can be difficult for some parents at first since a verbal “NO” is usually encountered by whining, anger or sobbing from a child. But who said disciplining was an easy task? It is difficult as it involves an array of emotions, but doable since we are mature adults powered by love for our kids. Through our love for our children we are inspired to be positive role models and to discipline with love.

When we discipline with love we go a step further. We want our kids to understand consequences of their behavior. We say “NO” but we also help to redirect our children’s inappropriate behaviors. We offer alternatives and present opportunities for good behavior. For example, John is preparing lunch in kitchen for his four year old son, Mark. As he glances out in living room, he sees Mark tearing sheets of newspaper and spewing it all over carpet. He says “NO” to his son in a serious tone and suggests that he helps him set table for lunch. Mark reluctantly responds and helps his father. With patience and love, John has helped redirect his son’s behavior. Mark can understand through his father’s approach that his actions were inappropriate.