by Karon Thackston © 2004-2005 http://www.copywritingcourse.com
In Part 1 of this article series, we looked at a local home security site that had fairly good rankings but whose conversion rate was lacking. (You can see original copy here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/topsecurity-original.pdf.) Here in conclusion, you'll see how several changes helped maintain this company's good rankings while improving their site's lead generation abilities.
My first thought with rewrite was to stop making "trust and urgency" undertones and instead make them obvious focal points of copy. As usual, I started with headline. The previous headline was:
When every second counts, turn to Top Security, Inc. who has been securing Orlando / Central Florida homes and businesses for 689,453,910 seconds.
I wanted something more direct so I changed headline to:
Top Security, Inc. of Orlando Security Systems From a Trusted Neighbor
This included one of their keyphrases and also made it perfectly clear this company was local and trustworthy.
For introductory paragraph, I wanted to get visitor's attention and hold it long enough to make a point: That security is something you need to think about now, not later. I opened with following:
"If only I’d called you sooner." "I never thought this could happen to me." These are just a few of many comments we have heard from our customers in Orlando. Security systems suddenly became a top priority for them, but not until after they’d experienced a frightening break-in or a devastating fire. After these disasters, our Orlando neighbors were convinced that burglar alarm and security issues should be a forethought, not an afterthought.
The copy does not beat visitors over head with fact that they could be hurt, face losses, or experience some other frightening situation. It simply plants a seed of "what if" and moves on.