by Doug C. Grant

"What's this nonsense I keep hearing you mutter? 'Every day in every way I'm getting better and better.' "

"It's part of my new self-improvement program," I proudly announced in response to another nagging i-mail from Other-Self. These i-mails arrive internally with regularity of e-mail but without a delete button.

"You call muttering a cliche a self-improvement program?"

"Absolutely. I also thought you'd send along a little applause. After all you're one who's always nagging me about self-improvement."

"And you actually think that saying a silly phrase over and over is going to result in some sort of magical change?"

As usual, Other-Self had me on defensive. "Well, not over night, of course. It's a gradual thing. But even if there's no magical change, as you put it, repeating an affirmation can't hurt."

"Who says?"

"Everybody says. Besides, I thought positive thinking was a big high for you."

"Positive thinking...yes. Positive lying...no."

"Lying! You call an affirmation a lie?"

"Doesn't matter what I call it. It's what your subconscious calls it. And every time you repeat your silly cliche, your subconscious is saying, 'Ain't a word of truth in it.' "

"That's ridiculous. Why would my subconscious say something like that?"

"Because you've programmed it that way. Just this morning I heard you tell someone on phone that if bus fares were a nickel you still couldn't afford a trip down block."

"That was just a joke."

"Your subconscious didn't think so. It doesn't have a humorous cell in its brain. Your so called joke went right into a reality file labeled ‛Lack'...along with a lot of other dumb statements you've made over years. Here's another example. What did you tell Harvey just this afternoon when he asked how you were feeling?"