Portable Comfort: How to Carry Comfort With You in Comfort Bags

Written by Cheryl Rainfield


There are times when we are out inrepparttar world and need a little - or a lot - of extra comfort. Times when we are nervous or scared, feeling vulnerable or unsure of ourselves, or just not very confident. A new job, a speech we have to give, a new situation, a group where we don’t feel very welcome, or just when you’re feeling stressed out. Or, for survivors, facing something triggering, frightening, or painful. It’s times like those that portable comfort can come in handy.

Portable comfort means bringing something with you on purpose that helps you to feel comforted, and reminds you that you are safe and loved. There are many different ways of bringing comfort with you - and they don’t all have to be obvious.

I take portable comfort with me whenever I leaverepparttar 131114 house. I have things already placed in my backpack,repparttar 131115 pockets of my coat, and sometimes even my jeans, so if I forget to bring something extra with me, I already have something with me. And I always wearrepparttar 131116 same necklace; it’s always with me.

If you have time before you leave forrepparttar 131117 day, it’s a good idea to associate whatever good feeling you want to remind yourself of (comfort, safety, love) withrepparttar 131118 object. To do this, take a moment and remember when you felt comforted, safe, or loved. Hold that feeling to you. Now imagine that good feeling flowing intorepparttar 131119 object. Tell yourself that whenever you see or feel or notice that object in your day, you will be reminded of that good feeling, and feel it again.

Here are a few suggestions of ways you can take some portable comfort along with you:

* carry things in your pockets. Things that you put in your pockets are usually better if they’re small. You might carry something like: o a small stone (a stone fromrepparttar 131120 water, or a polished amethyst), o a small pewter figure or object, o a picture with a backing on it or laminated or plasticized (like a picture in a key chain), o a small squishy toy, etc.

* wear a necklace that makes you feel strong or good or happy. The necklace can go under your shirt - no one else has to see it -- and you can feel it against your skin and be reminded ofrepparttar 131121 safety. Or you can wear it outside your shirt, and let yourself see it. The necklace might be one that someone special gave you, or one that you picked out and were drawn to. You might pick a necklace with: o a stone that you likerepparttar 131122 colour or properties of; o an image that makes you feel good or has special meaning to you; o a locket with a picture of someone you love, who loves you back; o a shell; o a small vial that you can fill with calming essential oil; o a pouch that you can put a stone in or something small that makes you feel good, etc.

* bring along a comfort bag. Comfort bags are bags (small, medium, and large sized), that contain all sorts of things that make you feel good and safe. I have numerous comfort bags, mostly little ones that I can put inside my backpack on different days, according to what I’m feeling. A comfort bag might contain: o a pen and paper to write with; o a stone to hold and look into; a card from someone you love; o a cd player and music that calms you; o a book that makes you feel good; o some small toys that make you smile; o a small pewter object or worry stone; o a vial of essential oil that is calming (lavender, chamomile, rose) or that makes you feel good or just smells good; o a small stuffie; o a small stone; o and any ofrepparttar 131123 things mentioned in this article, or anything small that makes you feel good.

Basically, you want to try to get something that makes you feel good from each category: smell, touch, feel, taste, sight. For more information and a great article on comfort bags, see here.

* wear an article of clothing that makes you feel strong or comforted. The clothing doesn’t have to be something other people see; you can wear a t-shirt, sparkly undershirt, or a favourite pair of socks underneath your clothes. Or you can put on that favourite shirt or pair of pants, and every time you look down at them, feel good.

Talking to Your Critical Voices

Written by Cheryl Rainfield


Negative or critical voices interfere with people feeling good about themselves, or feeling good at all. Sometimes those critical voices are so loud that’s all you can hear — and you miss out on your beauty, your growth, onrepparttar wonderful things you’re doing. This is especially true for anyone who heard constant critical or negative things about themselves growing up, or who’s experienced abuse. Then there arerepparttar 131111 criticisms that women, especially, absorb from advertisements, televison, and magazines. We may have heard horrible things said about ourselves so often that we came to believe them — or we may still have those messages running through our heads like a tape player — so softly we hardly hear them, but constant and always there, or so loudly they blot everything else out.

But there is a way to lessenrepparttar 131112 intensity of those critical voices, and let them give you a break. Read on for some suggestions. (Note: You don’t have to do all or even most of these things. Just find what works for you.)

* Noticerepparttar 131113 Critical Messages

The first thing to do to help quiet self-criticism is to notice that it’s happening. Many people put themselves down or criticize themselves without even noticing they’re doing it. They might think that they’re being reasonable or objective or helpful. But criticizing yourself doesn’t help you at all — it just feeds more negative and self-harming thinking.

So how do you pay attention?

If you really can’t hear it in yourself, ask a friend or lover to point out when you’re criticizing yourself. Probably you do it a lot less out loud than you do in your own head, though, so this is just a starting point.

Try sitting with yourself quietly for a long time, and listen to what’s going on inrepparttar 131114 background. If it helps to write it out, do that. What do you hear?

* Listen torepparttar 131115 critical voices.

Next, try listening to those critical voices. Find out exactly what they’re saying. The more we ignore something,repparttar 131116 stronger it gets. It helps to acknowledge those critical voices, and to let them know you’ve heard them. And it can help to hear exactly what they’re saying. Try repeating their phrases aloud, or write them down.

* Look atrepparttar 131117 Patterns

When you start to hearrepparttar 131118 negative messages, try to trace back when they started. Did you make a “mistake” and verbally slap yourself, or laugh at yourself before anyone else could? Did someone else say something that made you think they were putting you down? Did someone laugh at you when you were feeling vulnerable?

Try to notice every time a new onslaught of self-critical messages happens. Write it down. Become familiar with your triggers — what sets off that onslaught of criticism. Then try to recognize that trigger as soon as it happens, or as soon after it has happened as you can. When you see that pattern happening where critical messages are set off, try to step back a little and give yourself some compassion and distance. Remind yourself that you’re feeling particularly vulnerable, or hurt, or scared, and that you don’t need to be so harsh on yourself.

* Tracerepparttar 131119 Messages Back to Their Root

Look atrepparttar 131120 messages you hear in your head. Really analyze them. You had to get them from somewhere. Are any of them familiar? Did anyone tell you any of those messages when you were a child? Do they sound like your mother — or your father? Try to figure out when you first started “thinking” those phrases. Sometimes knowing where those messages come from can decrease their intensity. (Ah ha — that’s something my mother used to say to me. But she’s not right! I don’t need to carry her voice in my head any more.)

* Have a Conversation Withrepparttar 131121 Critical Voices

Have a conversation with your critical voices. It might help to do this on paper or at your computer so you can see it more clearly. Ask those critical voices what they need, and why they’re telling you such negative things about yourself. Ask them what they’re afraid of, and why they need to do what they do so strongly. Just letrepparttar 131122 answers come up and be there. Now isrepparttar 131123 time to listen.

Try not to be judgmental of those critical voices. It may help to realize that critical voices often come out of desperation and duress — such as a little child blaming herself instead ofrepparttar 131124 adults who were hurting her, because it was safer to think that way. Often, behind all those negative messages and criticism is a lot of vulnerability, insecurity, and fear. If you can get in touch with that vulnerability, and understand where it’s coming from, you may find thatrepparttar 131125 need to criticize yourself greatly diminishes.

* Reassurerepparttar 131126 Critical Voices

If you’ve discovered that those critical voices feel insecure, vulnerable, or afraid of something, try to reassure those parts inside you. If you can meetrepparttar 131127 needs of those parts,repparttar 131128 need to criticize you will decrease.

* Recognizerepparttar 131129 Strength

Critical voices are often created as a means of self-protection — as a way of coping or surviving. For survivors of abuse and trauma, those critical voices may berepparttar 131130 parts who absorbed allrepparttar 131131 negative messages, and allowed other parts of yourself to keep playfulness, happiness, or love intact. Other people may have felt safer taking on critical messages and turning those messages on themselves instead of blamingrepparttar 131132 adults around them orrepparttar 131133 people they loved, or they may use that negativity to suppress their inner beauty and uniqueness so they fit in better.

But you don’t have to be smaller than you are. And hurting yourself doesn’t stop others from hurting you. Acknowledgerepparttar 131134 strength and aid that those critical voices may initially have given you, and realize that you no longer need to use themrepparttar 131135 same way.

* Giverepparttar 131136 Critical Messages a New Job

Those critical messages may have helped you survive — but now it’s time for something new. Something that helps you now.

Give those critical voices a new job they can do, instead ofrepparttar 131137 one they originally took on. Try to talk to them. Thank them forrepparttar 131138 job that they did, protecting or helping you when you needed them to, and gently let them know that that job is no longer helpful — but that you have a new job that you desperately need filled. A new job that only they can do: protecting you from others’ criticism and negativity. Or giving you loving messages that build up your self-confidence. Or whatever job you can think of that is meaningful and will truly help.

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