A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

Sometimes this reflective phenomenon is easily seen between parents and children. On his TV show, Dr. Phil explains how children's emotions and actions are reflections of their parents' unconscious emotions and actions. Dr. Phil uses TV cameras in people's homes to catch this reflection on video.

In one family, cameras reveal how accurately a son reflects emotional state of his mother. The mother is angry. The son is angry. Mom throws things when she is frustrated. So does her child. When feeling out of control, mom smacks her son. When having a tantrum, child hits his mom. Before mother saw her own actions on tape, she mistakenly thought that her son is cause of disharmony. The mother was unaware that her son is reflecting her own feelings. After seeing tape, mom realizes that she will have to first change her own behavior before her child's behavior will change.

The Pet Reflection

Animals, like children, also mirror our unconscious emotions and actions. Just like son who reflects anger of his mother, our pet "children" reflect how we really feel when we're not aware of our true feelings and behaviors. If pets are "misbehaving," our pet pals are most likely telling us that we're "misbehaving." We're out of alignment with our life goals and don't know it!

Animals see beyond our "I've got it all together" outer appearances. They know what's really going on inside us. Being quite sensitive, it's easy for animals to know that we're angry, scared, confused or depressed before we know it. And to inform us, our pet buddies show us what's going on with our feelings in only way they have available—through their actions. Behaving in unusual or annoying ways is usually only means critters have to get our attention.

Animals are in our lives to assist us to have more fun, joy and harmony. When pets are happy, they're reflecting to us that we're being successful in living in a way that's harmonious and nurturing. And when pets are "misbehaving," our pesky pals are "telling" us that we're not acting in our own best interest. In a very real way, our pets "r" us.

Here's an example of how "pet reflection" works:

Wishbone, a Cocker Spaniel Who "Leaks"

Wishbone is a sweet cocker spaniel who loves people. Unfortunately, this wiggling ball of fur pees uncontrollably when he interacts with people. If people are standing too close when Wishbone greets them, he leaks all over their feet. Thinking Wishbone's problem is physical, his "mom," Ann, takes spaniel to several veterinarians. Wishbone gets a clean bill of health. The cause of problem is not physiological.

What's this leaking spaniel reflecting about Ann? In one moment his behavior says, "I'm happy to see you." The next second he repels people by peeing on them. The spunky spaniel is giving mixed messages to people he enjoys being with. Wishbone might be reflecting that Ann is giving mixed messages to people she enjoys being with.

I won’t be describing story; that’s not what this article is about. But there was something really impressive about it that I want to share with you. The movie portrayed way of Samurai, Japanese warriors of old times. Tom Cruise’s character, an army captain captured by Samurai, describes concept of mindfulness of Japanese people: ‘when something is being done, it is done to perfection.’ He is amazed by their discipline and focus they have on whatever task they are doing. Each action they take is based on this spiritual foundation of mindfulness.

In one scene captain is practicing his fighting skills with a warrior. Tom is loosing time and again. Suddenly one of watching warriors tells him: ‘Too many minds!’ With this warrior addresses fact that Tom’s attention is diverted to many different thoughts: he’s focusing on watchers, on warrior and on himself, which makes him lose. The sentence ‘No mind!’ brings captain fully into present moment, which ultimately allows him to finish fight in a ‘draw’ instead of defeat.

In our western culture we often act from a different perspective. We feel that more we ‘multitask’ more we are able to achieve and this makes us a better person. It’s almost like we have to defend our right to exist by how much we accomplish! But one of my clients illustrates how we often dilute our own ability to fully live life. Josie had contacted me about a change in her career that she had wanted for a long time. She wanted to become more successful in her business. However, during our sessions she constantly came up against blocks that prevented her from taking actions that we planned out. She told me how she often felt overwhelmed by all things in her life. She had many unfinished projects around her house, which kept occupying space in her mind as well. And because she was constantly aware of them, she kept beating herself up about not finishing them. “I feel like I never get anything accomplished. It totally drags me down and when I see everything that needs to be done, it’s just too much and I shut down!”

I noticed vicious cycle that her mind was in by how she described her problem. Her thoughts went from “I should be doing this- I know I need to do this- but I have so many things to finish- I never finish anything- I’m a failure.” There was clearly ‘old tape’ running in her mind. Most of us have this old tape running in background of our thinking: it’s an old message we decided on a long time ago and now it’s an automatic cycle that keeps playing over and over.