Parenting---Roots and Wings

Written by Kim Olver

I’m sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots,repparttar other is wings. This is what I address in this article.

As parents, we pray for our children’s safety, health and happiness. We do everything we know to help make these things happen for them.

At some point in our lives, we developedrepparttar 147783 principles and values that guide our life decisions. Our parents and/or caregivers certainly had influence over this but not complete determination. Some of us gladly adoptedrepparttar 147784 values of our parents and continue to live by them today. Some of us so completely rejected our parents values that our decisions are determined by doingrepparttar 147785 exact opposite of what we believe our parents would do.

Most of us, however, are somewhere inrepparttar 147786 middle---we have accepted some of our parents values and rejected others. This is a normal process of development. As parents, though, we really fight that period in our children’s lives when they are attempting to differentiate themselves from us.

Maybe it is because we fear for their safety in their decision-making. Maybe we can see that they are engaging in unhealthy behavior or heading down a life path that will ultimately lead to unhappiness. Whateverrepparttar 147787 reason, we get scared if our children’s values differ too much from our own.

What can we, as parents, do? First of all, as we raise our children, we are helping to strengthen their roots. This isrepparttar 147788 first gift a parent gives their child. How does one strengthen roots? We tend, we nurture, we feed, we cultivate---all to develop strong roots.

Sharing our value system with our children is critical to this process. In sharing values, remember that people pay more attention to what they see, as opposed to what they hear. Therefore, if you are a parent who tells your children it is wrong to smoke while you are toking on your cigarette, know that their interpretation of smoking will likely be different from what you are verbally espousing.

A developmental task of adolescence is separation and individuation. This isrepparttar 147789 time when children are attempting to separate themselves from their parents to an extent. It can be a very frightening time for parents. What do we do? This isrepparttar 147790 time forrepparttar 147791 second parental gift---wings.

We want to give our children gradual “flying” lessons. Children are not ready to go fromrepparttar 147792 total and complete shelter of their parents’ protection to being absolutely out on their own. This must be a gradual process.

Dr. Nancy Buck, in her book Peaceful Parenting, says it best. “We limit freedom for as long as it takes to teach responsible behavior and then we give backrepparttar 147793 freedom.” We want our children learningrepparttar 147794 precarious process of making decisions while they are still under our semi-protection.

Duringrepparttar 147795 teen years isrepparttar 147796 perfect time to allow our teens to beginrepparttar 147797 process of deciding what their own set of values will be. If you have done a good job withrepparttar 147798 roots and you handlerepparttar 147799 next part with a minimum of confrontation, thenrepparttar 147800 value process will go relatively smoothly.

Remember, your teen is doing nothing different than you did. The only difference is that you were wrestling with your parents’ values and your teen is wrestling with YOUR values. It has a very different feel to it, but it isrepparttar 147801 same nonetheless. You may say that your value system works just fine for you and your teen needs to see thingsrepparttar 147802 same way you do. However,repparttar 147803 reality is that you cannot know what is best for another person, including your children. You are not them. You do not occupy their skin. Only they can truly decide what is best for themselves and then they will have to live withrepparttar 147804 consequences of their decisions.

Letter for Two (I accpt your apology)

Written by C.V. Harris

Letter for Two (I accept your apology)

To My Dearest Two:

Fromrepparttar day that each of you inhaled your first breath I adored you. I changed my entire life for each of you (I think they call this maternal). Even though there were times when I could not give you all ofrepparttar 147704 things that you thought you wanted, I was able to providerepparttar 147705 things in life that you needed.

There were so many times when I wasrepparttar 147706 one that took ever so dauntlessly your defiance, your selfishness, your arrogance, and your unwillingness to make my job an easier one. Be mindful that parenting is not equipped with an “how to” manual. I wasrepparttar 147707 one that knew what was best for you atrepparttar 147708 time. I loved and gave you too much. Maybe that was my only fault, loving each of you too much. I sheltered you from harms way ofrepparttar 147709 world because I knew first hand how brutal and wicked this world could be. But you didn’t see that then. In your naive eyes, I was alwaysrepparttar 147710 “enemy”. The outsider.

I thought atrepparttar 147711 time that we were each other’s nucleus. Was I wrong? Was I so wrong??

Unbeknownst to you, when you hurt me with a roll of your eye, or a slam of your door, or ignored me as you people often do, (as teenagers often do), I still had love for you. Even thoughrepparttar 147712 next day I awoke to tear soaked pillowcases. You never knew this did you? Through it all, I believed that I had to continue to be there forrepparttar 147713 two of you when you needed me. You always thought you would never need me didn’t you? Thought you had this life thing figured out. But you did need me. And I was there! (We do that type of thing, us parents, try to be there for our children no matterrepparttar 147714 consequence). Selfless love I heard it called. We cannot help ourselves.

I want you both to know that I accept your heartfelt apology. I accept your apology forrepparttar 147715 times that you treated me withrepparttar 147716 utmost haughtiness.

Cont'd on page 2 ==> © 2005
Terms of Use