Package Baggage

Written by Perry Estelle

It always fries my brains when I have nothing more creative to do with my time than visit a computer store. It is a bit like sending a Brit soldier torepparttar gulf without any body armour. I am always caught betweenrepparttar 136033 friendly fire of spotty computer experts who start rubbing themselves up against a flatscreen thinner than a fagpaper while explainingrepparttar 136034 difference between 12 bit and 16 bit digital processing. The ears loosen fromrepparttar 136035 moorings I start to suck my thumb and playfully kickrepparttar 136036 heels. Apart fromrepparttar 136037 ugliness of computer furniture, I have very little to say about it all as it is not my chosen field. I might add that I findrepparttar 136038 odd transition of white to black monitors although some sort of fashion statement will not be changed purely to matchrepparttar 136039 cushions in my house. That, suffice to say, is hardly more excitement than I can possibly bear. Who decides this bollocks? You and l just get used to black computers, and a brass 'wirewool' finish with pastel stencils will rocket intorepparttar 136040 market no doubt. What next, pewter printers and walnut keyboards? My friend usually swings byrepparttar 136041 computer shop while on his own errands because frankly, I would slip out of this dimension and straight into a coma if somebody tried to educate me on such matters.

But what is it with designer packaging? I watched onrepparttar 136042 news recently about a certain 'Mr Big' who was arrested for peddling cheap DVD's and it would appear he owed his brief success to selling movies for about three quid and thus had very few complaints from his growing customer base. Now if an Asian asylum seeking entrepreneur can spot a corner inrepparttar 136043 market after just six years in 'Blighty' what does that tell you about our over-priced, over-packaged, over-hyped, etc etc products, whose manufacturers are surprised when a pirate industry springs up and takes 40% ofrepparttar 136044 business?

Buying good quality contraband should be encouraged to forcerepparttar 136045 real 'rip off' merchants to bring their prices down? Oops! Did I say that out loud?

This brings me to packaging. My froth about packaging is such a pet hate with me. I would love to hitrepparttar 136046 streets with a camera crew and see how many O.A.P's can get a Digital camcorder memory card out of its second skin before they croak or preferably just watch their wrinkly faces screw right up as I dust them occasionally.

These little suckers are onlyrepparttar 136047 size of postage stamp but live in this plastic crib that will withstand a thousand megaton blast. The shell is moulded and in comparison torepparttar 136048 actual size ofrepparttar 136049 product isrepparttar 136050 equivalent to an affixed playing card inrepparttar 136051 middle ofrepparttar 136052 Old Trafford. Inside is a paper insert that has a splash of graphics promising you eternal life and a perpetual hard-on for your digital recorder.

It is a freestanding display that apart from its impregnability would be an ideal ice scraper forrepparttar 136053 car windscreen when your own credit card has already expired. I used carpet scissors inrepparttar 136054 end to chomprepparttar 136055 plastic edging away, slither by slither, until I foundrepparttar 136056 tiny card that was further cocooned inside another plastic sarcophagus. It's very own 'snap-to' and rigid wallet for easy carriage. To my horror I noticed I had extricatedrepparttar 136057 card without checkingrepparttar 136058 printed warning that 'shouldrepparttar 136059 product be unsatisfactory' that it had to be returned intact.

How do you know it is unsatisfactory until you have tried it? It's a memory card for a video recorder? You have to try it out first by taking it out ofrepparttar 136060 package. I bet evenrepparttar 136061 memory card would have remembered this.

Supermarket shelves groan withrepparttar 136062 weight of packaging when little ofrepparttar 136063 product actually exists.

Rashers of bacon sat looking without hope in welded envelopes. Biscuits have to be guillotined midway uprepparttar 136064 packet to become liberated. Vacuum packed frozen goods with re-sealable 'fasteners' that refuse to clip together and end up slipping out and falling helplessly torepparttar 136065 freezer floor. Petit Pois, sweetcorn or pasta that you try to openrepparttar 136066 top end and by some bizarre logic thus givesrepparttar 136067 signal forrepparttar 136068 arse end to burst apart withrepparttar 136069 force of a megaton bomb.

Audio tapes! (I mention these as I'm 'normally bias' anyway….) The cellophane that hermetically seals your boxes of tapes in case they are exposed to too much oxygen and needrepparttar 136070 tiniest forceps inrepparttar 136071 world combined with your own teeth to remove.

'Shrunkwrapped' pizzas that look like an artefact found by 'Timeteam' with allrepparttar 136072 cheese and already sparsely dressed toppings on one side only. That's right. I see you nodding! Leaving one, lonely, stray slice of pepperoni inhabitingrepparttar 136073 bald hemisphere making your TV dinner looking like a pimple on a bears arse. You can only imagine thatrepparttar 136074 last Neapolitan left alone onrepparttar 136075 shelf forces you to buy it because it was constructed by a food operative that presumably serves breakfast at home to his or her family with a tennis racket.

Sandwiches that are 'front end loaded' for display purposes foolingrepparttar 136076 hungry buyer thatrepparttar 136077 chunky filling continues throughoutrepparttar 136078 entire breadth ofrepparttar 136079 bread. Not so. A sneaky lift ofrepparttar 136080 promising BLT reveals yawning expanses of nothingness, only if you can exhume it fromrepparttar 136081 plastic prison first without it exploding over your 'laptop'.

Whole marketing and design departments spend a sh*tload of cash trying to createrepparttar 136082 most inappropriate packaging. Easter eggs for instance. Trees have to die to put a stupid piece of hollow chocolate into a coffin. What's wrong with a bit of bubblewrap? Who inventedrepparttar 136083 polystyrene quaver and giant shoulders ofrepparttar 136084 stuff protecting your new TV? At Christmas time my house is drifted inside torepparttar 136085 rafters inrepparttar 136086 stuff. My garage becomes an arsonists' paradise untilrepparttar 136087 dustman comes, with reams of cardboard, flat and corrugated, andrepparttar 136088 customary shower of polystyrene that after a light breeze can be found in every corner of every garden in my street for weeks to come. Chunks ofrepparttar 136089 stuff, that if strapped together, would probably meltrepparttar 136090 polar icecaps and is chased, eaten and passed by small children and dogs (easily mistaken for those circular rice cakes but far tastier).

"Contents may settle".

What seems to be happening here, isrepparttar 136091 manufacturer is too embarrassed to say 'size does matter' and want you to believe thatrepparttar 136092 50% extra FREE isrepparttar 136093 box size and nothing to do with what's inside. If you bought muesli that 'settled' does that mean you will be less disappointed at opening a half empty box? Does this apply to meanly filled yoghurt pots or boxes of fish that say "6 to 8" pieces? It's either 6 or 8? I don't like guessing games. If I go to my bank I don't wantrepparttar 136094 teller to say to me when I want a balance, "You've got either sixty quid left or a fiver."

How can anything plastic make some product or other more desirable? Hands up any one person who has ever bought wine from a plastic decanter? Ok, I admit torepparttar 136095 odd box of wine simply because your drinking levels can be hidden from party guests and what they cannot see will not hurt them until you collapse over their Tiramisu at dinner and try to blame it onrepparttar 136096 'time ofrepparttar 136097 month'.

A Key In Hand Is Worth A Thousand On My Desk

Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

A key fault I have, and I can only talk about one fault at a time, isrepparttar tendency to get busy. I often find myself chasing my own tail. What I will do with it when I catch it is beyond my understanding. However, this notwithstanding, I fall intorepparttar 135612 trap time after time of getting too busy for my own good.

The faster I try to go;repparttar 135613 less I seem to accomplish.

This past week proved no exception; in fact, everything came to a head on Monday. I had my To-Do-List all prioritized and neatly written on several 3 by 5 cards stuffed in my shirt pocket. Earlier I went through them item by item to make sure I could maximizerepparttar 135614 day. After all, "The early bird catchesrepparttar 135615 worm."

Beingrepparttar 135616 turkey I am, I have no idea what I'm going to do withrepparttar 135617 worm when I catch it, particularly if it's early inrepparttar 135618 morning when all I want is a good cup of coffee. Yet, I can often be found imitating that "early bird" scurrying around with my list of important things to do.

Getting back to my Monday catastrophe, and I can't think of another word that adequately describes last Monday. Sure, I've had catastrophes before. But this one wasrepparttar 135619 wicked stepmother of all catastrophes.

After organizing my 3 by 5 cards, I made some mental notes as to how long each job would take. Returning those cards to my shirt pocket, I smiledrepparttar 135620 smile of one who has conquered his day. I felt good about myself and was anxious to get started on my day.

My day started out rather well. In fact, I discovered by mid-morning I was ahead of schedule. I chuckled to myself and thought, "next time I'll have a longer To-Do-List."

Suddenly, everything came to a screech owl halt.

I needed to pick up something at my office, which would only take a moment. I pulled up to my office door, jumped out ofrepparttar 135621 car and unlockedrepparttar 135622 office door.

The office door can only be locked fromrepparttar 135623 outside, with a key. The inside has a handicap bar according torepparttar 135624 building code. I thought I would save time by unlockingrepparttar 135625 door and then locking it while I went inside to retrieverepparttar 135626 item I needed. This would mean when I came to leave I could walk out, shutrepparttar 135627 door behind me and it would lock automatically.

This would save me exactly .00003 seconds of time. As time is precious, I thought it worthrepparttar 135628 effort.

The plan was going fine. Walking past my desk, I laid my keys on top of my desk. About this time I remembered something I needed fromrepparttar 135629 car and dashed out to retrieve it. Just as I got to my car, I heardrepparttar 135630 door slam shut and one thought meandered through my stunned mind; "the keys."

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