Written by Victoria Elizabeth

Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2004.


It seems that we can longer languish inrepparttar reveries of "Christmas" anymore.

"Christmas" is now "persona non grata" unless it comes with lotsa ka-ching and consumer clatta!

"Christmas" has been replaced by non-threatening "happy holiday" greetings, profitable "holiday" gift cards, and a new medical disease calledrepparttar 118115 "ho ho ho" syndrome (I'll let you figure that one out).

Gone arerepparttar 118116 days when we can enjoy such pleasures as "Christmas" carols, "Christmas" crackers or heaven forbid even "Christmas" trees, without a knock atrepparttar 118117 door from a politically-correct enforcement officer dressed in an bright blue suit with gold braid and a matching hat plus a perplexing smiley frown on his face.

Although I cannot take credit forrepparttar 118118 witty work below, I thought I would pass it along to all those who still believe in a reindeer named Rudolph, jolly St. Nick (aka Santa Claus/Kris Kringle), jingling bells full of comfort and joy, not to mention a mouth-watering slice of home-made hot minced pie.


'Twasrepparttar 118119 night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves," "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labour conditions atrepparttar 118120 North Pole Were alleged byrepparttar 118121 union to stiflerepparttar 118122 soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released torepparttar 118123 wilds byrepparttar 118124 Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous byrepparttar 118125 E.P.A. And people had started to call forrepparttar 118126 cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur-trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened." And to show yourepparttar 118127 strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose . And had gone on Geraldo, in front ofrepparttar 118128 nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, half ofrepparttar 118129 reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

3 Surefire Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices

Written by Timothy Ward

3 Surefire Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices by Tim Ward

I have heardrepparttar rumblings of many of you in Readerland aboutrepparttar 118114 recent spike in gasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem to hear about lately. But at least it keeps you from rumbling aboutrepparttar 118115 infrequency of my columns and articles. Nonetheless, I have decided to try to help you get through this crisis by generously providing: 3 Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices!

1. Don't Drive Your Car

This is, of course,repparttar 118116 most obvious solution. If you never takerepparttar 118117 old Plymouth outrepparttar 118118 driveway, then it won't matter that at current gas prices it takes $125 to fill uprepparttar 118119 30 gallon gas tank, or that you only get about 2.51 miles torepparttar 118120 gallon. If you never drive, you could care less.

Of course, I know what you're going to say. "But Tim, I have places I need to go-like work. And repparttar 118121 kids have school and soccer practice. And then there's grocery shopping and yoga lesssons and dinner atrepparttar 118122 Richardsons and blah blah blah and...." Ok, I getrepparttar 118123 point. Not everyone can sit aroundrepparttar 118124 house writing not-so-funny articles and searchingrepparttar 118125 Internet for Drew Barrymore photos like me. I fully understand that some of you have a life. But just because you don't drive your own car doesn't mean you can't get around. The answer?

2. Carpool

It's seems so simple now doesn't it. Instead of using your gas-Use Someone Elses! Have someone else pay $5.50 a gallon for gas to take your kids to school. Make someone else dip into their retirement fund just so they can coverrepparttar 118126 gas bill needed to get you torepparttar 118127 office and back everyday. Make someone else get a second job so that they can have a full tank of gas in their SUV when your daughter needs to cruiserepparttar 118128 mall. It's so simple.

Of course,repparttar 118129 concept behind carpooling is that everyone takes turns driving. So in a normal carpool situation you would eventually be required to use your car and spend your money driving others around. But this is not a Normal Carpool Situation, this is a Tim Ward Carpool Situation (TWCPS). In a TWCPS you avoid using your own car by making it so thatrepparttar 118130 other carpool participants would rather walk barefoot on 120 degree asphalt than ride with you. You achieve this by:

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