A Self-Destructive and Addictive Behaviour

At one time or another most women have indulged in a session of male criticism with their girlfriends. This is an addictive ritual many women allow themselves when they are feeling fed up with men in their lives. Addictive; because it sets off a chain reaction. Once a group of women get started with their complaints about their not so perfect partners, remaining women in group tend to join in and a huge bonding session begins about how ‘awful’ men are. Unfair generalisations are made, and these conversations really become destructive to women’s self-esteem and their male/female relationships.

The more that women that indulge in these so-called bonding session with their girlfriends or simply carry around this negative type of thinking, more addictive and negative these thought processes become and this kind of talk tends to become a natural reaction to any upset concerning their male partners. That is not to say that there is anything wrong with venting when angry or upset, however there is a difference between healthy venting to a female friend and constantly whinging and whining to each another about men in general. Perhaps some women really don’t understand how destructive and negative this behaviour is.

Women may ask: What about men with misogynist attitudes towards women, who that treat women badly. Misogynistic men exist, make no mistake, however not all men are misogynists. Most men are genuine, decent, caring human beings who want to be loved, just as women do. Before I go any further on, I would like to point out that I do not advocate any woman remaining in a relationship with a man who is abusive emotionally or physically. This article is about women who are somewhat dissatisfied with their male partner. I am hoping that instead of disparaging and judging men in their lives they would like effect change in a positive way.

How many times do some women, when angry at their men, make generalised statements attacking men in their lives or for that matter every man in universe? Some examples could be:

Men are inconsiderate Men are selfish Men are liars Men cause women pain

Could it be possible that we as women can turn these generalised statements into positive affirmations about men? These statements could read:

Men are considerate Men are generous Men are honest Men give us happiness

It is possible that once we focus on having a positive frame of mind, a few more positive affirmations could be added to this list? Like attracts like, and positive actions and words will attract positive. If you look for negative aspects within your relationships with men, you will find them. If women really believe all of these negative statements about their men exist, then it is highly possible these negative qualities lie within themselves. The saying: “What we see in others somewhere exists in us,” is true. Attempting to change our negative beliefs into positive beliefs is no easy task, however it can be done. Negative thoughts and feelings have become an addiction in society. This could be first step towards narrowing gap between men and women and breaking free of our negative addictions. Perhaps its time women had a close look at themselves and really search with their hearts and minds for truth here. Women are more than capable to bring about some changes here; after all we are nurturers and caregivers of society. We can turn this negative thinking around and make it positive, all we need is to tap into our potential as women.

It is also possible that when we make a habit of putting men down, women are unknowingly destroying any chance of intimacy and closeness with men in their lives. Men know women do this. Does any woman out there truly believe that men aren’t aware of fact that we talk negatively behind their backs? Well they know. Men know when we are holding in negative thoughts, and they detest this kind of behaviour. Men see this as manipulative behaviour and they would prefer honest communication. When we constantly complain about our men, any chance of developing our relationship into a loving one goes down toilet. Do women really believe that their man will open up to them if they are constantly put down and criticized? Not a chance and men would crazy to open up under those circumstances.

Men do want intimacy and they want to open up to women, but they don’t know how. Men were trained from childhood not to show their feelings. In today’s society it is starting to become more acceptable for men to open up; however a lot of men still don’t feel it’s safe to open up. As women, we could be more aware and understanding of this, given that opening up to our feelings is much easier for us, because we find it a completely natural thing to do. Women are relationship and emotion oriented, whereas men are thinkers and solution orientated. Women also need to remember that men express intimacy differently, they create situations of intimacy by doing certain things for us and men don’t share their feelings in same way that a woman may share feelings with a close girlfriend. Your man is not same as your best girlfriend.

Some women quite often demand intimacy with their man for wrong reasons. Many women expect their men to fulfill all their emotional needs, when in real world women should be taking care of their own needs, not expecting their man to constantly fill them up emotionally. That is not to say that a woman cannot ask her male partner to meet her needs, however she needs to be direct in her request, and that request should never be out of excessive neediness or insecurity and she should accept that her man might say no. When neediness or insecurity forms basis of a relationship, relationship becomes unhealthy.

When we know we often get respect and praise and feel very good about ourselves. Not knowing is often viewed as a sign of stupidity or some inner personal flaw.

Knowledge flows from those who have information to those that do not. Those who have information are considered to have power. Individuals such as teachers, heads of corporations, doctors, parents and scientists all seem to have a lot of information at their disposal and are therefore attractive for their “brain power”.

Another reason to fill our minds with information is that not having this power is viewed as weakness and weakness is undesirable so we work very hard at filling our minds with knowledge to emulate those that know.

However in this quest for knowledge and power have we ever looked at price of knowledge? It seems that everything in this world contains both a benefit and a price.

What price do we pay for seeking to have information fill us?

Knowledge helps us deal with ever-changing nature of world. It helps us to view circumstances and organize our thoughts around these circumstances to navigate our lives.

However, since inescapable truth is that whatever knowledge we posses represents only a fraction of all knowledge that actually exists. What we don’t know is considerably bigger than what we truly know.

So, why do most of us walk around in this seeming state of knowing?

Because living in know is much more easy to control than accepting that we don’t know. It is control that we like. Control keeps us safe (or so we think). But this control is an illusion and keeps us from seeing other things in our life.

When we come from a place of believing we know things (for possibility exists that what we think we know in one moment can change in next as new information is discovered) our brain and nervous systems become editors of reality’s information. When we are committed to knowing something our brain tell our senses to only accept information that conforms to this reality. Then, all we see, hear and sense becomes limited and our experience of life lessens.

When you decide you know something all of what happens in your life must fit within this knowing. For make no mistake about it, each of us creates our own version of reality. What we think and believe we know has been created from our past experiences. Past experience shapes our current experiences and influences our future considerations.