Overcoming Fears of Intimacy

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.


The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long asrepparttar author resource box atrepparttar 145385 end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

Title: Overcoming Fears of Intimacy Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 749 Category: Relationships

Overcoming Fears of Intimacy Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Sam, age 42, had never been married. Its not that Sam had never fallen in love. But every time a relationship had started to move toward commitment, Sam ran.

When Sams loneliness became overwhelming to him, he called me for help.

I want to be in a relationship, yet every time I get close to someone, I run away. Im not even sure what Im so afraid of, but I must be terrified of something!

Sam, what happens inside you when you like someone? The following answer and resulting dialogue came out over time, but Ive condensed it here.

I think that if this person really knew me, she wouldnt like me. I do all kinds of nice things for her so she will like me. Then after a while I start to feel trapped and I pull back. She gets upset about my pulling back and I then feel even more trapped. Once she gets mad at me, I stop feeling in love with her. Thats when I decide she is notrepparttar 145386 right one for me. This has happened over and over.

Sorepparttar 145387 first problem is that you believe that she wont like you when she gets to know you. Out of your fear of rejection, you try to control how she feels about you by doing nice things for her. But then you feel trapped and your fear of engulfment of being controlled by her and losing yourself inrepparttar 145388 relationship kicks in. Then you run. It sounds like your underlying fears of rejection and engulfment are controlling your life and not letting you share love.

Thats exactly right! So what do I do about this?

Sam was operating from core shame repparttar 145389 false belief that there was something basically wrong with him. As long as he believed that he was inherently flawed and unlovable, he would fear rejection. Out of his fear of rejection, he would give himself up until he felt trapped, and then he would run.

Procrastination: Make It Work FOR You!

Written by Kathy Gulrich


Man, I love to procrastinate! And I'm pretty darn good at it, too. Would you believe I started writing this article almost six months ago? Yep. But then I found lots of ways to, well, procrastinate. But I guess you've already figured that out...

During these months, though, I've learned a couple things. First, writing about procrastination is pretty dangerous for someone as good at it as I am. When I'm not focused, it's easy to become distracted by things that simply aren't very important to me. But I also noticed that for me, at least, procrastination isn't necessarily a bad thing. (Come on, don't you sometimes thoroughly enjoy not doing something?) And there are times when I've found that putting something off actually worked out forrepparttar best. So I say, let's procrastinate! One rule, though: if we're going to procrastinate, let's enjoy it. Here's how:

1 - Step away

If you're procrastinating, one thing's for certain. You're not very primary about your task. It's not a must' or you'd be doing it. Think ofrepparttar 145384 last time you procrastinated. Just how critical wasrepparttar 145385 thing you were procrastinating about? Atrepparttar 145386 time, other things were no doubt more urgent, more important - or just more fun. So you did them instead. Good for you.

Instead of investing time and attention on what you're not accomplishing, find something you are primary about - something you deliberately choose to accomplish - and do that instead. You'll achieve more, more easily. You'll make strides that move you closer to your most important goals. And it will certainly be more enjoyable. Andrepparttar 145387 other task? Don't worry. It'll still be there for you when - and if - you decide to go back to it.

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