Robert Elias Najemy

In order to create healthy, happy and harmonious reality we all desire, we will need to create emotional harmony.

This process can be divided into six basic steps:

1. Recognize our emotions. 2. Accept them as they are. 3. Release them when necessary. 4. Understand how they are created. 5. Transform negative ones through understanding and create more positive ones. 6. Transcend them.

Here we will present a short profile of some of basic emotions. We have developed specific questionnaires for understanding each one.

As this book would have become prohibitively large if we included them here, those who are seriously seeking to understand themselves can download these questionnaires from our web site at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/research/emotions.html. (for members ? but membership is free)

Answering those questions will help you discover how those emotions are created and how you might transform them.

ANXIETY AND WORRY

Anxiety and worry, although obviously forms of fear, have become so common that it is worth looking at them separately.

Anxiety often concerns factors of time and results. We are anxious because we fear that we will not have enough time to complete all that we have planned, or that result will not be successful, perfect or acceptable to others.

We worry often for same reasons, but also when we fear something may not turn out as we hope. That "something" may concern ourselves, our children, or our parents or spouse, which of course, ultimately, through our attachment to these people, has to do with ourselves.

We learn to worry as children, and this becomes a habit causing us to search for issues to be anxious or worrisome about, even when there is nothing really important enough to merit such a concern.

We may wonder at times why our mind thinks so much about a particular matter, creating anxiety and worry, when in reality that matter is not so important to us.

Our doubt concerning our self-worth is main obstacle to our emotional and inter-relational harmony. This doubt is cause of our greatest fears such as being rejected, laughed at, ignored, unloved, and most of all, of being alone.

Loneliness and Doubt

Loneliness is disease of our age, and its cause is self-doubt. Fear of being alone is perhaps our most ancient one. It comes from fact that in past, he who was not accepted was ostracized from group. In those days, that did not mean simply feeling lonely, but also being unable to survive.

Another factor that makes us fear rejection or not being accepted by others is fear of being punished by them or by God. We have been brought up to believe in a God, whose love is conditional, depending upon whether we are perfect in His/Her/Its eyes or not.

Childhood Programming

We receive messages from our parents and other important persons throughout our childhood years concerning whether and under what conditions we are good or worthy.

As children, we learn from adults that we must measure our self-worth by: 1. What others think of us. 2. The results of our efforts in school, our profession and life. 3. Our appearance 4. How we compare to others. 5. How much we know. 6. How much money we have. 7. And various other conditions

Our doubt of our self-worth then becomes our greatest obstacle to inner peace, harmonious communication and loving relationships. These doubts are foundation of most of our negative emotions and relationship conflicts.

*** If we had more self-acceptance, we would have less need to prove ourselves to others. ***

Then we would not feel offended so frequently and we could overlook others? negativity and be at peace with them regardless of their behavior.

Let us now look at how we can increase and stabilize our self-acceptance.

The first step is to discover situations in which we lose our sense of self-worth or self-acceptance.

The reasons we most often loose our feelings of self-worth are examined in following questionnaire. ________________________________________

OBSTACLES TO LOVING OURSELVES

In which situations do you lose your sense of self-love, self-worth, self- esteem or self-acceptance?

1. When others ask for your help and you * do not say "yes" *, or do not respond.

2. When you have * made a mistake * or have * failed * at some effort.

3. When * others are more capable * than you are at certain tasks or concerning certain qualities (i.e. intelligence, artistic ability, speech, sports, cooking, professional success, their children?s success, economically, making friends, employing disciplines).

4. When * others attract more attention, * esteem and respect in a group situation.

5. When others * have offered more to you * than you have offered them.

6. When you are * not perfect *.

7. When * others criticize, are angry at or reject you *.

8. When * others do not agree with you or believe that you are wrong *.

9. When others * are able to manipulate you *. ------- 10. When * you have "created" pain * for others.

11. When you are * not in harmony with your conscience *. ________________________________________

The accompanying more detailed questionnaire will help us determine more clearly when we lose our feelings of self-worth. We suggest that as you read through it, you mark those items that might relate to you.

I Tend to Lose My Feelings of Self-Worth: (Worth what; love, happiness, health, success, satisfaction?)