Our Comfort ZoneWritten by Bridget Nolen
On my second trip to San Francisco I bought a light green vintage t-shirt that said “I wish you were here.” I didn’t even think twice about buying it. I didn’t try it on. I didn’t look at price tag. As I packed for my third trip I made sure it was folded neatly in my bag. Unlike every article of clothing that I questioned necessity of as I attempted to downsize my luggage, this I packed without hesitation. This was my third trip to SanFransisco. The first time was with an old boyfriend when we were 21. The second time was just about eight months ago with a close friend. This time I was visiting a friend from college, Holly, who was transferred here from New York and was only on her seventh week of residence in Marina section of SanFransisco. Holly, without exception, is a handful of people’s “favorite person.” She is naturally beautiful, equally inside and out, both fashionable in her introspective opinions and her ability to make simple style look genuine and sheek. By all standards, Holly is that girl that everyone can define by one word, “cool.” I was drawn to her in college because of how outwardly different and inwardly similar we are. Like me she is down to earth, patient, low maintenance, strong, and reflective. Unlike me she is what her mother calls her “independent daughter.” She is random in that she has a collection of friends that she has maintained through different ages and stages in her life that are very different from each other yet united by one very important and common love: Holly. I too feel successful about variety and amount of relationships I have maintained over years. The difference being that those people that are of a different age or at a different stage then me that I have remained close with are just not people I call up on a Saturday night to see what they are doing. Holly does. Holly takes risks, embraces opportunity, follows her heart and when she begins to feel comfortable with a certain place or a certain group of people…she makes a CHANGE. To her, there is not comfort in a comfort zone, there is danger. Danger in becoming closed mind to different types of people and different kinds of chances. Danger in staying still, in doing nothing, she thinks that takes no courage at all. So SanFransisco, at this moment in time, is clearly place for her. When I first arrived her small apartment was crowded with a few people who never met each other. They were all very different from one another, from their religion to race to sexual orientation to politics. They truly embraced each other’s company immediately, curious about what other did and loved, excited at prospect of spending entire night with brand new people. At first, I was a bit uncomfortable. Back home in Philadelphia incidences of us having a get together with people that not only don’t know each other, but don’t know each other well are few and far between. The chance that I would walk into a party (as I did on this day) and someone would ask me what I am passionate about is extremely slim. For first few moments of listening to these strangers converse and openly reflect on their feelings about their lives I started to feel bad about fact that our conversations at home tend to center around whether to go to Kildare’s or U.S. Hotel. But I quickly realized that we don’t spend as much time on these conversations because we usually know answers, people at my parties are usually my best friends. In many ways we look same, act same, and love same things. So begins my process of trying to figure out whether this is a good thing…or a bad thing… As we (the strangers and I) left Holly’s one room apartment to head out to bars, I commented how these living arrangements are in stark contrast to our at home. If you live alone in various parts of our city I assume it’s because you have an exceptionally good job or you don’t have that many friends. We live in big old houses with close friend’s right down street from all our other close friends. There are exceptions of course, our friends that have chosen to buy houses in places that are more affordable like New Jersey or suburbs, our friends that have chosen to get married earlier and have committed to a lifestyle of going out to dinner with their “couple” friends, having a glass of wine and coming home (that was a joke…kind of), our friends that have happily left circle of people that at times can feel suffocating, monotonous, and dramatic. So of course lifestyle I am about to explain is not representative of all people my age that live in Philadelphia. But for most part, Californians were surprised to hear how many people our age freely choose our lifestyle. I would come to find out, that I was equally surprised to see how many people freely chose theirs. In Philadelphia we hardly leave our comfort zones. In our view…why hell would we…we are very comfortable there (oh, and they hardly curse in California...another difference. They remarked on cursing as much as they made me say words like “bad,” “water,” and “towel” over and over again). Our circles of friends and acquaintances are filled almost entirely with people from Philadelphia area. It is friends from high school; friends from college, old boyfriends, friends from shore, friends of our families, friends of our friends. When you meet someone new in your life, chances are that they are already in someway connected with someone old. It is familiar faces that you see in same few bars on Main Street in Manayunk. and same bar on Dune Drive in Avalon. The entire circle moves from their houses in Manayunk in winter to their houses on Twenty-first street in summer (I’ve been saying “one last summer” since I was twenty three…at twenty seven I’ve given it up). We move in herds. We congregate in circles. We live in groups. And even pushing thirty this is yet to be uncommon, it’s quite opposite…still very desirable. There’s a shirt that they sell in bar in Avalon that says “When I grow up I am going to go Princeton just like my mommy and daddy did.” If we continue on this path, although laughable, purchasing this shirt at some point is looking more and more likely. I thought of this shirt when one of California people asked me about dating scene in Philadelphia. I had to laugh at how my “dates” consist of going out with same ten people to same places and then seeing what happens at three in morning. It’s very difficult when you are caught up in a group of people to ever choose people and places outside your comfort zone. It’s like groundhogs day...the same day over and over again. It can be frustrating, it can also be comforting. Although at times it feels lonely, it will never allow you to be alone. After many conversations with single friends in this situation we all agree that our future husbands and wives might not be residing in our present comfort zone… not for lack of effort either. There is some point when I guess you let go of fairytale notion that we all will just grow up and marry each other and live on same street forever happily ever after. While I can’t say I have completely let go of that fantasy, we all recognize need to “get out there” more…we just don’t want to.
| | Catch Cheaters Using Software TechnologyWritten by Luigi Di Serio
Technology and presence of Internet and other wireless or mobile communication devices within our culture have made opportunity for cheating and infidelity increase significantly. E-mails, instant messengers, chats, forums, community-based (membership) web sites and mobile phones have made communication with a secret partner a very convenient task. People have become so comfortable using these technologies as catalyst to their covert relationship, but luckily for victims of infidelity, modern world of technology is a double-edged sword. Most of these “cheaters” are so arrogant and naďve, they believe they can’t get caught, because of password protection and other privacy related conveniences that come with these technologies. Well, they better think again! Computer stores virtually every action that takes places on a pc, where data recovery experts, investigators and/or law enforcement can easily recover. However, these are expenses or not easily available solutions to public. Fortunately, today there are so many powerful “spy” software programs like SpyAgent that can monitor ANY and ALL computer and Internet activity, recording IM conversations, outgoing and even incoming email and all web sites visited. Keystrokes and screen shots along with passwords can be easily captured, which makes catching a cheater a much easy and less expensive task then it was before.Cheating Spouse Information Shocking cheating spouse statistics and information. The Internet has proven itself to be a common ground for a cheating spouse. If you suspect your husband or wife is having an affair, you are probably correct. Take a look at these SHOCKING spouse spying statistics courtesy of usmarriagelaws.com. > 85% of WOMEN who feel they have a cheating spouse ARE correct. > 50% of MEN who feel they have a cheating spouse ARE correct. > 70% of MARRIED WOMEN do not know about their spouses' affair. > 54% of MARRIED MEN do not know about their spouses' affair. Spouses and lovers have cheated throughout history. Only recently have affairs grown more common because of Internet. Whether it is a cyber affair or a physical affair, Internet plays a major role in almost EVERY affair.
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