Oh No! The Office Holiday Party is a Seated Dinner!Written by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
Q: What's harder than knowing how to shine at Christmas office party? A: Knowing how to shine when it's a seated dinner. The open-format Christmas office party is a piece of cake compared to a seated lunch or dinner. At a buffet-type function you can move around, which means you can disappear when you want to. You don’t want to get caught hiding out in ladies’ room all night, but since you’re free to move around, you can leave any person or group when you want, and even leave room. However, at seated affair you are trapped. If it strikes fear in your heart, you aren’t alone. Even for a pro, this isn’t easy. Here are some tips: IT ISN’T A PARTY Never forget this. It may superficially appear different (new place, new people), but remember everything you say can and will be used against you. You’ll be seeing these people Monday morning. If you think it’s hard to face a one-night stand after creeping out of her house in middle of night, wait till you have to face your boss Monday morning after getting sloppy drunk Saturday night and spilling your guts about some personal problem you can’t handle. I mean how will (s)he expect you to be a competent Marketing Director when you were crying because your cat had died? I know two things have nothing to do with one another, but your boss doesn't. Think of word "mortifying." No one needs to know about your hysterectomy, how well Viagra works for you, that your young wife left you, that you think new manager stinks, or anything else about your personal life. You simply are not free to say anything you want to. FOLLOW THE LEADER Once seated, you must watch leader to know what to do. It can be boss, or his or her spouse, whichever one is dominant. Watch what they’re doing. Emily Post may say not to eat asparagus with your fingers, but if your boss' wife is, you really need to think about it. In most cases, I'd go ahead and do it along with her. If you don’t, you’re making a statement. It's that important what your boss and his or her partner do. Don’t start to eat until they do. If they don’t order dessert, you don’t. Monkey see, monkey do. CONVERSATION General conversation while you’re being seated will devolve into one conversation dominated by boss at least for a while, often for entire meal. Your job is to pay attention. If boss, sometimes aided and abetted by a crony or colleague, starts in on a monologue, be an attentive audience. Look horrified if something bad happened, laugh if he tells a joke, maintain eye contact, be respectful. It can amount to a performance. It’s almost always dominated by males. FOOLS RUSH IN There may be lulls in this monologue from boss. Don't attempt to fill them if you're an amateur. Nowhere does expression "fools rush in where angels fear to tread" apply more fully. You don't know this side of your boss. You don't know her sense of humor, what annoys her, what her prejudices are, her religion, or any number of important things that you can step right into if you feel compelled to fill air time. Even most innocent comment can get you in trouble because it's a very magnified situation - one person talking at a time to whole table. What you say will echo and reverberate, all way to your next performance appraisal.
| | Personal Contacts: The Key to Successful NetworkingWritten by Virginia Bola, PsyD
When word "networking" is used, we tend to think of upwardly mobile college graduates with a bursting day timer in hand chatting up competition at business meetings, conventions, or workshops. The average blue/pink/white collar worker disconnects, feeling that they could never be that pushy, don't know enough people to even start attempt, and that method only works in competitive business environments.Wrong! While networking can, and often does, follow such a scenario, concept is much broader than that. The premise is that most people find a job through someone they know. It may be a direct referral or, more likely, indirectly hearing about an opening that seems suitable. Procedurally, networking could not be simpler: contact everyone you know to see if they have any firsthand knowledge about job opportunities. Then contact all people they know. Obtain referrals to other people from everyone you contact and in a short period of time, you will have a veritable army of people working with you to find right position. An organized approach to this time-demanding but highly effective technique is discussed in depth in my workbook "The Wolf at Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual" (Authorhouse, 2003). Contact lists in various categories are provided as well as schedules for follow up and strategies for maintaining strength and commitment of your lists. For now, let's look at different levels of networks you can develop. 1. Sizzling Contacts. These are people you know personally. They include your family, friends, former coworkers, and acquaintances: your barber, your mailman, your doctor, your real estate agent, guys you see at golf course, women at your club, your children's teachers, other PTA parents - anyone with whom you have regular contact. Often, you need go no further. How many of us obtained our first job through our family or their friends? It is a common occurrence. Look for a moment at ethnic groups and how they operate. Most new immigrants find a position through personal contacts. Hispanics are famous for bringing in their brothers, cousins, and nephews when there is an opening. Most companies who hire mainly Spanish-speaking labor never advertise. All they have to do is tell their employees that they need more workers and next day dozens of assorted relatives show up and they can make their selection. There are large ethnic communities in different parts of country: Vietnamese, Armenian, Indian, Korean, Chinese, Irish, Portuguese, Samoan, and Filipino. In almost every group, initial job search is strictly word-of-mouth. Later, as individuals, many workers become culturally assimilated and move into more mainstream jobs but core of group, especially those with poor English skills, tend to remain within their original subculture. There are, for example, airlines whose entire ramp staff at some airports are Pacific Islanders, manufacturing companies where usual language on production floor is Portuguese, and supermarkets where workers (and customers) are overwhelmingly Korean. Contrast successful employment rate of these groups with, for example, African-Americans who are very loosely tied to their communities. Until recent attempts by Church and civic organizations, networking was almost non-existent in African-American culture and a consistently double-digit unemployment rate directly reflected that lack of connectivity.
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