I felt somewhat inadequate in my reply to him and resolved to write about my own struggles to improve self-esteem in hopes that it will be helpful to others.

The dictionary says that esteem means, "to regard with respect; to prize, to appreciate. To recognize quality, significance, or magnitude of, to admire greatly; to value."

I know people who have too much confidence and self-pride, but I don't know ANYONE with too much self-esteem. Most people, in moments of profound honesty, will admit to a lack of self-esteem. They would like to feel better about themselves--more confident and capable--in short, to love themselves more.

It would probably be fair to say that most social problems are result--directly or indirectly--of someone's low self-concept.

Not too many years ago, I was going through a dark time in my life. I was broke--financially, personally, socially--even spiritually. In describing it to someone once, I said, "I had self-esteem of a dead rat." That might have been overstating it a bit but not much.

My life--and my confidence--is much better today. MUCH better.

So what changed? Was it outward circumstances? Did my environment change and with it my inner experience? No.

Somehow I knew that any changes would have to be from me. It would be an inner transformation that would eventually alter outward experience.

Some of things I did unconsciously. Others were done with deliberation.

First and foremost, I removed myself from people who had been particularly critical. By distancing myself from this criticism, I was able to gain a better perspective. I was perfectly capable of taking my own inventory and didn't need someone else pointing out my errors and keeping me focused on my shortcomings.

I immersed myself in good books--books of inspiration, books that increased my belief and books that gave me hope. And hope was severely lacking.

However a growing number of psychologists and behavioral scientists are finding evidence that our brains are hard- wired for mistakes in today social environment, especially when it comes to assessing personality and predicting behavior of people we encounter.

Why are we so bad at reading intentions of others? Built on top of older "emotional" parts of our mamallian circuitry, there is a "rational" cerebral cortex. The two are often at odds, and under surface, our protective instincts are always lurking. Unfortunately "emotional" circuitry frequently overwhelms "rational" cortex. We simply give more weight to elements in personality of people we encounter that supports our beloved preconceptions than to any evidence to contrary. Thus we frequently completely miss target and pay a price for our misjudgments.

ARBITARY OBSESSIONS... The frontal lobes have fallen in love with our preconceptions. This hard-wired programming undercuts us in a host of sadly familiar ways. The most common is how our preconceptions and prejudices distort perception of individuals we wish to assess.

CONFIRMATION BIAS... It's our all too natural ability to convince ourselves of whatever it is that we want to believe. How? We simply give more weight to events that support our desired prejudice or preconception than to any evidence to contrary.