Soul- immaterial essence, animating principle or actuating cause of an individual; spiritual principle embodied in human beings, all rational and spiritual beings or universe; a person’s total self.

The holistic health field abounds with articles and books all teaching a variety of ways to nurture our souls. What exactly does all this mean and why is so important?

Our soul being very essence of whom and what we are is our life force and therefore it needs food on a regular basis to sustain us and prevent us from becoming stagnant and unfulfilled with life.

So what is nourishing to soul? The things that make you feel whole, alive, and one with universe (or God) is your soul food. This will vary from individual to individual, as our souls are very unique and complex, although many of us have some commonalities. Some common sources of soul food are nature, music, dancing, deep relationships, meditation, walking, prayer and many more.

With most fights, there are layers of what we mean, feel, intend, hope for, and believe, and what we actually say. We may only say a little of how we feel, or we may even say opposite of how we're feeling on a much deeper level than surface. Problems arise when we don't come from deeper levels.

Some people think that top layer of what they feel and think is all that there is, yet they feel something's missing in their relationship. Others know how they feel but instead of stating their feelings as their own, they blame how they feel on their lover, leading to hurt feelings and arguing that goes nowhere. This is often time that people call it quits on a relationship.

Many break-ups occur because we do not know how to get to our inner depth, or getting to it, how to share it. What we want to say isn't what comes out of our mouths. We argue about something meaningless in order to get space from our lover, rather than feel anxiety or fear we may have about setting boundaries or looking at what we need. We argue to feel more alive, instead of looking at what is missing in our life. We argue about what our lover spent money on, rather than face our own issues about money. We argue as a way to control our lover, rather than face our fear of being controlled.

Regardless of content of argument, until we are prepared to express and respect our lover's deeper feelings, beliefs, and meanings (and s/he respects ours), very little change can take place.

We can work around our lover's "sensitive points," expect them to do same for us, and make compromises, but how far does that really take us? While problem-solving can help, particularly in immediate future, often it isn't enough for long run. As long as deeper issues remain unaddressed, our relationship will be flattened, soured, or lost to meaningless fights.

So how do you get underneath arguments? By being vulnerable and risking being as open and as honest about yourself as you can with your lover. Take anything you argue about and ask yourself what is upsetting you. Usually people will respond with answers that are about their lovers - s/he spends too much money, s/he is defensive, s/he doesn't listen to me. Now try asking yourself following questions: