You are in love and this time it is different. You are prepared to do anything to make it last. To prevent this ship from sinking you work hard to steer this relationship into a safe harbor. In process you lose yourself and your romantic relationship becomes all-consuming!

Kyra fell head-over-heels for Dan and went out of her way to create a wonderful relationship. She found herself at hockey games, at parties with his friends and on vacations with his family. At home, things were not much different. Kyra cooked his favorite meals, kept house way he wanted and listened to music of his choice. On Dan’s advice, she cut her hair short, wore less make-up and a conservative wardrobe. For Dan, this relationship was perfect. She had adapted to his lifestyle, defended his views and even began to talk like him. Kyra’s friends witnessed her change from a spirited and happy woman to a subdued and pleasing personality. This relationship had sucked life out of Kyra, yet she was last to notice.

While compromise in a relationship is necessary, denying core of who you are is not. When you finally realize that an all-consuming relationship is depleting you, there will be nothing left but resentment. It will be difficult to reclaim yourself while remaining in that same relationship. The outcome of such a relationship is usually a heart-breaking crisis, with no one but you to blame.

The opposite of an all-consuming relationship is a half-hearted relationship. In this relationship one or both withhold affection until evidence is in that other is hooked. I love you, if you love me first has become a common trend. Fearing that you will give more love than you receive, you put your partner on probation. You judge according to your expectations and keep track of his or her scores. The higher scores, more you are willing to love. This conditional view creates tremendous emotional insecurity.