It's been said, time and again, that for a child to learn what is most important, he must be shown
lessons through example, not through words. And, if we are to nurture certain traits within our children, we must first develop those traits in ourselves.I've been teaching martial arts to children for a decade and a half and I've discovered something amazing about children - they want to learn what is expected of them. For all of 'button-pushing,' resistance to your wishes and what-not, children want to know rules and have a deep-down, almost inherent, need to "do it right."
Unfortunately, I've also discovered that many of parents who bring their children to our programs live by two deep-seated desires. And even though they express their wishes for their child to develop more confidence, discipline, and respect - not to mention ability to protect themselves from dangers that they know exist in world, they will almost always default to these desires, even though it means that their child may never develop these important traits and abilities.
What are these desires?
1) That their child is never angry at them, and,
2) that they never want to have to say "no."
Is this true about all parents? No, of course not. But it is true about many.
Even without these words being spoken, message is plain and clear when it comes in following forms:
"She doesn't want to come to class and I don't want to force her."
"Really," I say. "And why not?"
'Excuse me?", comes reply. "I don't understand."
"Well," I add, "don't you make her do other things that she doesn't want to do?" "I'm sure you make her brush her teeth daily, go to school even when she says she doesn't want to, and probably a dozen or so more things every day, don't you?"
"Yes, but that's different," is often reply.
"Different?" I ask, "how so?" "Don't you think this is important?" "Isn't it still as important today, as day you brought her in and said she needed to be confident and learn to protect herself?"
Here's another one that my staff and I hear regularly.
"I'm not going to commit my son to a year (or three year) program. That's too long for someone his age. He doesn't know what he wants"
Again, my response is that parent is missing something in logic, if it's logic that's driving at all.
"Is your child in school?", I ask.
"Of course," comes reply.
"So you do think that an education is important and will take a considerable amount of time to prepare your son for real world?"
"Yes. I don't see what that has to do with karate classes."
"It has everything to do with karate classes, because this is an education too. One that your son won't get in school or out of a text book. And, what he learns here in way of confidence, discipline, pride, respect, and ability to stand up for what is right, will affect every other part of his life, for rest of his life."
Again, I hear, "But this is different."
"How?," I ask. "He will be going to school for next eleven to thirteen years, not counting college. And, I'm sure that you'll make him go, even on those days when he doesn't want to. You will have all right reasons to explain to him why this is important, right? No sir, this is no different. It is exactly same. And, if its important for your child to learn lessons you brought him here to learn, it's less important whether he likes it or not. And, as for him not knowing what he wants, that's what we as parents and teachers are here for, isn't it. To guide, provide opportunities and to give our children what they need, even if it's not what they want."
