I took one university course before discovering I was entitled to go into a Master's Program at York University if I got over 75%-ile on
GMAT. With ten years successful business experience and by testing out of Baccalaureate Level course (CLEP test). This one course was Logic. The professor got his doctorate by doing a thesis on 'Giving and Do-Gooders'. On day of final exam I brought him a one page premise in support of 'He who is least selfish, is MOST selfish.'. He read it while we wrote exam, which I finished early enough for him to tell me all things that were wrong with my premise. My best point in retort was 'Why didn't you consider this possibility?' He was incensed and threatened like a lot of people who deal with my 'know-it-allness'. After all, he had achieved his esteemed doctorate and I was just 29 in a first year B.A. class. So why was I wrong? Why did it upset him so much? What could I possibly have known that made him avoid me like plague when I saw him at racetrack (horses, and he didn't even acknowledge a wave) a couple of weeks later? How could I see something he hadn't even considered or that his thesis guides hadn't brought up? What value is there in an education where 'do-gooders' are diminished by egoists who don't even observe that humanity has higher aspirations than mere selfish recognition in mode of such arcane and abstruse ideologues and pedagogues as Hegel? I quoted Van Dyke's poetry and Gibran (maybe poetry and its' heart touching rather than intellect enchanting appeal was cause):
"There are those who as in yonder valley, myrtle breathes its fragrance to air. These are children of GOD, and through them he smiles upon earth!"
My sense of 'Brotherhood' was offended by his narcissistic pessimism but I smiled in confidence that I was right. That annoying look of pomposity that comes from actually learning and being interested with an open mind rather than a sheepskin from fools who 'think' they are wise men. It could easily be said that this is arrogance and it has been said more than once. The reader may think that and if they have read this far in this book they are entitled to have that opinion of me. For myself I know I am a 'fool'. THE SOUL is another matter indeed. Yes, I know there are many who give in expectation of return or in hope of building fences that obligate and manipulate others to recognize their specialness. The white picket fences of fantasies have confronted my search on more than one occasion.
That was an unnecessary and obvious observation that I didn't feel warranted anything more than a mere stipulation to its veracity. It was his whole thesis though buttressed by other 'me-too' scholars who can wend words and vacillate like moths to a flame or deer in headlights of oncoming vehicles. I diminished its import as a stage like puberty in becomingness toward ‘bliss’ that comes from giving without need of return.
In fact return of a favour isn't something I would want as much as passing it along to others in need. But, there have been times when I know I've given and seen others try to negate either gift or me, so maybe I haven't always been so truly motivated at those times. As a child I had always valued true sharing and model my father created in his simple and wondrous gift of friendship and respect to myself and my three brothers. He never felt any need (I could see, to most part) to control or form us in his image vicariously or otherwise. He loved to hear us call him 'JIM'! It truly was unusual and people often remarked on that fact.
No higher position in his cosmogony than enabling and learning from and WITH us! He was a soul who participated without prejudice in many wonders nature (God) provides us all. In end, I knew LOVE was there when I 'let a bird go free'; if 'it returned' of its own accord and strong volition with hopes of adding to what I knew or sharing what it had helped others to learn - that infrequent treasure is essence of what makes me proud. I knew it is not just in this world that we receive benefits or karmic reward. History is full of examples of those who gave openly being persecuted by those who take! Jesus, Socrates and Tesla were becoming even greater guides for my pursuit.
I was finding more than I ever thought there was in words of Shakespeare and loved Victor Hugo's appreciation of bard when he talked about 'glimpsing waves of marvellous'. I had no anthropomorphed or other entity that I could demand a hearing from in my prayers. No following, no cult, not even a desire to belong to most of human race. I was wealthy in matters material. My goals had been met in most of driven ways we seek recognition and it was only for those I wanted to share it with that I derived benefit. I spent money like a bandit waiting to be caught. Women had shown me things that I could never have learned in books. I had been able to know others thoughts and dreams when I was close to them. They were in tune with me on many occasions in same way. My father had told me such things were possible. He called it 'the pixie-mind' and told me he loved how women could flit from topic to topic knowing each others feelings and not having to beat a subject to death with intellect. I had much more to learn - and was eagerly awaiting all that life would bring. Still - very much in stillness - I knew my life had ‘quickened’ and taken a firm stand on path towards Love and giving with no expectation of return. How could I accept his thesis that do-gooders pursue only self-gratification or Hegelian recognition?
