My Blood Pressure Was Fine Throughout (The state of the NHS)

Written by Holmes Charnley


Ah, well, now, wasnít that all very pleasant, eh? A few alco-pops to celebrate a year with my sweetheart, yes, an anniversary in other words, and, ooh, I feel a bit sick all of a sudden, and, oh, heck, I seem to be spewing black blood downrepparttar pan. Hmmm. Not so good after all. Well, hmmm, uh, I guess, well, I know, Iíll just pretend that didnít happen and maybe all will be ok. Well, actually, no, I ought to tell someone.

So, when my sweetheart had got back from town that morning, I let it slip. Big mistake. Before I know where I am, thereís a doctor doing some bedside vigil, blood pressure performance. My blood pressure was fine. Well, to be honest, I felt kind of glad that Iíd let people know, cos, well, it could have been serious.

Well, he was concerned, and wanted me to get torepparttar 118273 hospital straight away, and, though I didnít really want to, I was driven there, where, due to it being an emergency, I saw a nurse in a room adjacent torepparttar 118274 waiting room who took my blood pressure, which was fine. Due torepparttar 118275 urgency of there having been blood in my vomit, I was told to go torepparttar 118276 waiting room, where I would be seen to immediately.

Three hours later, my name was called and I was given a bed inrepparttar 118277 A and E department, where they took my blood pressure. It was still fine. I was told to wait, as due to there having been blood in my vomit, I would have to stay in forrepparttar 118278 night, so my condition could be monitored, so, another three hours later, due torepparttar 118279 urgency of my case, I was put into a wheelchair and wheeled torepparttar 118280 Emergency Medical Unit, where I was to have my bed forrepparttar 118281 night.

Once there, because ofrepparttar 118282 emergency that had happened 10 hours ago, they felt it imperative to take my blood pressure, but, phew! against all odds, it seemed fine. That was a close one. I donít like needles, and, because I have quite small veins,repparttar 118283 extraction of blood can be a quite lengthy process, but, whenrepparttar 118284 doctor came to see me an hour or so later, she sent me to tourniquet hell, but seven attempts later, a droplet was ceremoniously, and carefully, allowed to dribble down a test tube, where it would be sent for analysis. As I said, I donít like needles, so I was kind of done in when she came to take my blood pressure, but evenrepparttar 118285 recent trauma of a needle, allowed her to proclaim proudly, that all was fine. Thatís ok, then.

You may remember that I had been sick several epochs earlier. I tend to feel a bit thirsty after a drinkrepparttar 118286 night before, but due torepparttar 118287 askew frantic nature ofrepparttar 118288 day, I hadnít had a drink of water, but, thankrepparttar 118289 lord, I was now allowed one.

I had spewed last nightís tea up earlier, but hadnít been allowed to eat anything. I was a tad thirsty and mightily ravenous, but, I endedrepparttar 118290 day, with a sip of water and Ronnie Corbettís autobiography, where, for such a little fellow, his chapters seemed unnaturally fixated on what he eats at certain golfing functions.

The Gardener, the Salsa, and a Day at the Ranch

Written by Rich Showalter


Once Upon a Time... A Gardener's Daydream The Gardener,repparttar Salsa, and a Day atrepparttar 118272 Ranch Article by Rich Showalter Copyright © 2003 by ProGardenBiz ProGardenBiz, an online magazine http://www.progardenbiz.com

This is a tale of a landscape contractor and his quiet getaway inrepparttar 118273 mountains. Now, I'm no gardener myself, but I swear that this isrepparttar 118274 true tale as related to me as we relaxed onrepparttar 118275 front porch on one of those long, summer days spent with a cool one and watching our neighbors mow their lawns.

Rachel Louise Carson authoredrepparttar 118276 book "Silent Spring" alerting mankind (which includes you gardeners and landscapers) torepparttar 118277 long term destructive results of certain pesticides and toxic chemicals. From my own personnel experience and observation, I wish to add one more insidious ingredient torepparttar 118278 expanding list of dangerous substances polluting our gardens. It is called "salsa picante" or "salsa muy caliente" (Hot sauce to you gringos).

Long, one ofrepparttar 118279 favorite lunch choices of many a landscape contractor and gardener, you may want to read on... there is more to that salsa then you've been told.

An obscure legend suggests thatrepparttar 118280 Aztec God of Fire captured repparttar 118281 essence of salsa fromrepparttar 118282 bowels of a raging volcano when a high priest prayed for a cure to cleanserepparttar 118283 Aztec people of plague sweepingrepparttar 118284 land. The priest placed a single drop of salsa inrepparttar 118285 food bowl of every inhabitant. The plague vanished fromrepparttar 118286 land and so didrepparttar 118287 Aztecs!

From personal experience, I know better than to touchrepparttar 118288 stuff (as you will soon see), but my landscape crew often indulges. I've related this story to them on many a landscape job, but they laugh it off, much like Boy Scouts aroundrepparttar 118289 campfire hearingrepparttar 118290 scary tall tales. Unfortunately, this tale is true...

One Friday night not long ago found us rolling towardrepparttar 118291 family diggins inrepparttar 118292 mountains near Julian, CA. After a hard week of building, planting gardens, and irrigating lawns, I was ready for a relaxing weekend atrepparttar 118293 ranch... building, planting gardens, and irrigating lawns. After two yearsrepparttar 118294 house and surrounding landscaping were nearly half done.

We were almost there when my wife Gerry,repparttar 118295 blanket burglar, wanted some Mexican food. She should have married a Mexican chef (or gardener in my case) because her craving forrepparttar 118296 stuff is almost insatiable.

I said, "No."

She replied, "I will invite mother to spend another month."

I said, "Oh."

"Screeeech."

Poor old Cricket, our midget female drip-dry dachshund, was darn near catapulted throughrepparttar 118297 window by a 90 degree turn into "Pancho's Taco Y Salsa" stand.

Pancho asked me, in broken English, how much hot sauce I wanted forrepparttar 118298 beef and bean burrito. I told him a half dozen of those little plastic tubs would be fine. They look like miniature "maintenance free" batteries made ofrepparttar 118299 same materials.

The expression on his face can only be compared to a war movie whererepparttar 118300 pilot of an enemy plane dives out ofrepparttar 118301 sun onrepparttar 118302 helpless victim. He put on a pair of heavy leather gauntlets, welder's helmet, and reached for a pair of long, steel tongs. A lead lined steel box was set inrepparttar 118303 concrete floor with a radiation alert label onrepparttar 118304 lid. He reached in withrepparttar 118305 tongs and removed six tubs; neatly dropping them into my bucket, as I jumped back to avoid flying sparks.

Onrepparttar 118306 way out, I glanced over my shoulder at Pancho who was stenciling a new miniature American Flag on a board hanging from repparttar 118307 wall. This guy was an ace many times over, judging fromrepparttar 118308 number of flags that coveredrepparttar 118309 board.

I pointedrepparttar 118310 old Chevy pick-up forrepparttar 118311 mountains again with my window rolled allrepparttar 118312 way down, as Gerry,repparttar 118313 masochist, tears streaming fromrepparttar 118314 cherry red eyes, happily munched on her burrito. Cricket had buried herself in a pink asbestos blanket, knowing that a careless spark striking her fur coat could transform her into a crispy critter in a flash.

What happened next was my fault. Normally, after arriving atrepparttar 118315 ranch, I bury any unused salsa tubs inrepparttar 118316 open field, six feet under and 100 yards from any living plant or critter. It'srepparttar 118317 closest thing to a toxic waste dump in these here parts. I should have known better because despite many years as a landscape contractor I have never been able to get a lawn, a tree, or any kind of plant or flower to grow on that spot. I hoperepparttar 118318 critters who make their home here will forgive me someday.

When I first saw Snuffy and Stumpy together they reminded me of Laurel and Hardy. They are a pair of grey field mice who are roommates sharingrepparttar 118319 bottom file drawer located inrepparttar 118320 garden shed. Snuffy was so named because he has hay fever all year long; and Stumpy for obvious reasons Ė lost his tail in a hunting accident. He was being hunted by Russellrepparttar 118321 rattler at repparttar 118322 time, who misjudgedrepparttar 118323 opening that Stumpy was squeezing through. Old Russ was pretty sore, having broken his nose and fracturing a tooth with nothing to show for it except an inch of Stumpy's fat tail.

After we settled in and beforerepparttar 118324 pick-up was cold, Snuffy, led by Stumpy, made a thorough inspection ofrepparttar 118325 cab looking for tidbits and scraps of food.

Stumpy wasrepparttar 118326 first to spotrepparttar 118327 eerie pulsating light emanating fromrepparttar 118328 glovebox. Upon inspection, he came across a single tub of salsa that I had forgotten to bury. Being somewhat of a selfish glutton, he tore open a corner ofrepparttar 118329 tub and gulped downrepparttar 118330 whole thing.

Too late, he realized he must have gotten into whatrepparttar 118331 humans call "a stash." Gasping for air, he could not imagine human or beast snorting and shooting this stuff into their bodies. By now, Stumpy was deaf and blind. Little Snuffy took his friend byrepparttar 118332 whiskers leading him towardrepparttar 118333 garden shed. With only 25 feet to go, Stumpy gave uprepparttar 118334 ghost, rolling on his back with his little fat feet pointing towardrepparttar 118335 moon, that great orb of cheese where he would rest for eternity.

Snuffy dashed for safety when he heard Russell, who had been attracted by allrepparttar 118336 noise, coming out from under our old riding lawn mower. He rattled to himself with unexpected pleasure as he realized his good fortune. Dessert and settling an old score in one gulp!

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