Now let's move away from food, because it is to always important to buy sizzle, not steak. That's first tip. If steak was any good, why would Madison Avenue spend all its efforts selling sizzle?

Let's face it, you don't care which widget fits into combotubulator under hood; you just want a sporty new set of wheels painted in flamethrower red.

Here is how you negotiate down price of a new vehicle. Just say, "No engine, please. No transmission. No coolant. Nothing under hood, please. Nothing that doesn't shine when I polish car in my driveway.

You would be amazed at astounding bargains you can negotiate on a new car with no engine. Plus, car will weigh much less, so you will save on gas.

Next, head over to your favorite furniture superstore to buy a TV. Tip: NEVER buy a TV at an electronics store. They will try to sell you a whole bunch of useless and expensive features. The last thing you need is another 962 satellite channels that never seem to have anything on anyway.

Go straight to wall unit section of furniture store. They always display life-size cardboard TVs in this section. Most people leave their cardboard TVs behind when they pick up their wall units, so you can get yours for a song.

As a bonus, you always know what is showing on your new cardboard TV and you can save even more money by canceling that useless satellite or cable service.

Next, head to office furniture section and check out desks. See those cardboard computers?...

Apply this principal to any electronic equipment - telephones, microwave ovens, blenders. Imagine fortune you can save just by saying "hold steak." If you’re a technophobe, you'll be even happier.

In fact, I am quite certain I am not yet 40. How do I know? Well, I can't remember turning 40, for starters.

But memory loss is nothing new for me. It began when I was born. Try as I might, I just cannot remember being born. This strikes me as strange. Birth is arguably most momentous and triumphant event in a person's life. It is reason I am alive. It is my coming out party. Birth is a tremendous opportunity for personal growth and a fairly important prerequisite for developing proper social etiquette.

People even celebrate anniversary of my birth every year by converging on my house or throwing heart-attack-inducing Surprise!! parties. But strangely, none of birthday celebrations have helped me remember my birth. Even stranger is that people who could have no memory of my birth, such as my wife and younger brothers, keep celebrating it.

Perhaps memory loss is result of trauma. We block out from our memory traumatic events. Like birth, for instance. Imagine being squeezed through a steel toilet paper tube with mucus and blood and other assorted ooey gooey stuff, with something resembling an alien tentacle protruding from where your bellybutton is supposed to be.

Sure, birth was my highest moment of triumph, but I am in no hurry to repeat it. I prefer to retire while I am still at top of your game.

Little Sister had a more traumatic birth than many, and we posted her child birth story with pictures at: http://www.thehappyguy.com/birth-story.html . Fortunately, she did not retire at top of her game, as she continues to improve.