The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as author resource box at end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.Title: Is This Right Person for Me? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 865 Category: Relationships
Is This Right Person for Me? By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
“How will I know when I meet right person?”
I often hear this question in my counseling practice. The answer is fairly complex.
There are two different reasons that people have for wanting to get married:
1. To get love, validation, security and safety.
2. To share love and to grow emotionally and spiritually.
People who feel insecure and alone are likely to look for someone who will fill inner emptiness and give them love they are seeking. They want to find someone who will complete them and make them feel adequate and worthy. The problem is that no one can do this for another person - it is something we each need to learn to do for ourselves. Since we are always attracted to people who are at our common level of woundedness or our common level of health, a person looking to get love will attract a person also looking to get love. Each person hopes to get filled from other, not realizing that each feels empty and really has nothing to give. Therefore, no one is right person when intent of getting married is to get love and security rather than to share love and learning.
Instead of asking question, “Is this right person for me?” why not ask, “Am I being right person?” Am I being a person who comes to a relationship filled with love to share, or am I being a needy person hoping to get love and validation?
The main reason that many relationships don’t work out is because each person is disappointed in not getting what they expected to get from other person. But when a person does not know how to love and validate themselves and create an inner sense of safety and security, they certainly can’t do this for another person. Yet this is what each person expects of other. It’s like trying to get water from a rock. What do you have to give when you feel empty within and want to get filled through another’s love?
It is actually fairly easy to know if this is right person for you when your intent in being in a relationship is to learn together and share love. A person who comes from a full place within finds it easy to discern when someone is empty inside, and will not be attracted to empty person. A person who is truly open to learning about themselves, to growing emotionally and spiritually, to taking responsibility for their own feelings of safety and security, worth and lovability, will not be attracted to a person who is closed, controlling, and just wants to get love.