Depressed, scared and overwhelmed, she found herself filled with feelings hitherto unfelt. Her nerves were frayed, she wanted to scream and when children screamed she wanted to shut them up any way she could. Terrified that she would harm her children, she would lock herself in a closet until she could regain control of her feelings. I was always impressed by her ingenious solution.

Barbara had no family and no support in neighborhood. In desperation, when she could muster energy, she would pack all four children on a bus and visit her ailing mother for what minimal help and solace her mother could offer. Days seemed dark and there were many nights where Barbara would have just as soon not seen next day. She had no job skills, so she went on welfare to survive. With little money that she was able to scrounge, she found a therapist tohelp her. “Dorree,” she once told me, “If I could find money to get professional help, anyone can. Don’t ever let any one tell you otherwise.” It was a lesson I learned well.

On a recent trip to a distant state, my husband and I unexpectedly met a couple visiting same sightseer’s monument that we were. After speaking for a while, one of those delightful and unexpected light bulbs went on and we realized they were related to two close friends of ours. So of course, we decided to hang out longer than we had planned and soon we were having dinner and talking as if we had to know everything we could about each other. We talked like long lost friends and because we knew we would probably never see each other again. We spoke secrets — way one does with their hairdresser or person you sit next to on a plane. Instant intimacy secured with sureness that no real intimacy or connection would ever develop.

They were a vivacious couple, happily married for over thirty years, developers of a thriving business and parents of three wonderful grown children. Eileen had been “bad” sister who was always in trouble, child, whose parents never expected to amount to anything positive. She had dropped out of high school and her parents had suggested that she get a job and not even bother finishing her basic education. Barbara, her “good” sister had breezed through school with excellent grades and a fine reputation. She had always made her parents proud. Barbara and her husband were our close friends. Although we thought we knew them relatively well, we had never heard about Eileen and her family. We thought it strange that we never knew that they existed.