Choosing your Maid of Honor is more complicated than it looks. Nowhere else in your wedding planning is it easier for vexing problems to turn up! Why? Because
Maid of Honor’s duties are often vaguely defined, and worse, poorly communicated. In fact, every bride has her own unique idea of what a Maid of Honor should be. Which is fine – trick is in communicating those ideas!
So what does a Maid of Honor do? On one end of spectrum, she’s a ceremonial figure who steps off plane and walks down aisle before other bridesmaids.
On other, she’s a master of precognition who soothes your nerves before you know you’re frazzled, helps you send out your invites, “manages” bridesmaids, spreads word on your registry, and offers up her thoughts on everything from venue to dress.
Most often, Maid of Honor is somewhere in middle. She leads bachelorette party and/or bridal shower, and tries to "be there" for bride during planning process, and ceremony itself.
All this flexibility leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings. And they happen a lot. The world is full of brides who feel hurt and let down by close friends as big day draws near. Do you want to be one of them? Of course not!
So here are some tips on choosing – and communicating with – your Maid of Honor for minimum stress, and maximum happiness.
1) Define what you really want. Are you a do-it-yourself bride, or do you want your Maid of Honor to be your right hand all way through?
If you're high-maintenance, accept and acknowledge it. Pick someone who can truly be there for you, and let them know exactly what you want. If you don’t know anyone with that much time or energy to give, think about finding help elsewhere. Is your fiancé an active participant? Can your mother do more? Maids of Honor are not supposed to be wedding co-planners ... unless they really, really want to be!
2) Tell her what you really want. More than one bride has shed tears because a Maid of Honor couldn’t read her mind. For example: many brides wish their Maids of Honor could give a little speech at reception, but never get around to asking them. If it’s important to you, talk about it!
