Mind-Reading GameWritten by Rinatta Paries
For many people, dating and relationships are not about relating but about mind reading. Do you know what I mean?
When you are starting to date someone, isn't your mind busy analyzing your date's every action? Does he like me? What does she mean by that? Will he call again? Did I say right thing and will she take it wrong? Will he reject me or judge me?
In a long-term relationship, it can be even worse. Will she nag me when I get home? Will he listen to what I have to say? What does he really feel? What does she want?
The funny thing is that most of us don't admit to believing in psychics and mind readers, and yet we try to practice it in our relationships.
Mind reading seldom if ever works. It is simply not possible to accurately interpret another person's actions, thoughts and feelings without input from them. Mind reading damages our relationships and drives us crazy.
Are you ready to stop driving yourself crazy by trying to figure out other's thoughts, feelings and emotions? Then it's time to welcome a new life with fewer headaches, more sleep and better relationships through communication.
All you have to do is assume "it's not personal" and communicate.
Assume it's not personal In mind reading, you would assume that another's actions are a direct reflection of what person thinks and feels about you. The truth is that even when you are in a long-term relationship, very little of your partner's actions have to do with you. This is even more profoundly so in dating situations.
What other person is doing or saying, or not doing or saying, has very little to do with you and a lot to do with his or her life experience, way of being and current circumstances.
The Talking Stick for healthy communicationWritten by Neva Howell
One of most valuable tools for honoring close relationships and for learning respect, honor, and listening skills is The Talking Stick. The Talking Stick (Native-American in origin) is simply a Tree Person branch that has been so dedicated as a Talking Stick to be used for creating more open and sincere dialog.
Individual indigenious groups have more specific information and ritual. I don't represent myself as any kind of authority of Native ways -- that is work of Elders within each of Native Peoples -- but only share value I've received thru use of this communication tool.
First, there must be total agreement between two parties that, when The Talking Stick is present, rules of ritual will be honored by both. The rules are simple.
When one wishes to be allowed to speak fully, freely, and without interruption, they pick up The Talking Stick. While it is being held, other person listens ONLY. The other person doesn't interrupt or insert. The other person attempts, to best of their ability, not to interject vocal, or even physical responses to what is being shared but to ONLY listen with an open and unjudgmental ear. When one who is talking is finished, The Talking Stick is laid down and other person then has opportunity to pick up Stick and to speak openly and freely.
One of great values of this tool, from my own perspective and experience, is that you may begin to realize how much of what you started to say was only reaction. By time stick is passed to you, something has shifted. In waiting, there has been a change.
There is a new attentiveness, and less of need to defend or put in your "two cents worth" after every sentence your partner says. Somehow, this simple yet profound process teaches us how to ferret out what is most important within all that is said by our partner, and we learn to respond to what is most important. A lot drops away, and loses importance, when we are forced to only listen.