Sometimes friends and country clubs are divided up in divorce along with possessions, or you may find your invitations from married couples dwindling or difficult. Formerly an enthusiastic host or hostess, you may find it too challenging to entertain alone in your own home, while feeling like “odd man out” with former married crowd you moved in. You may also have lost your best tennis or racquetball partner in your former spouse.

Others take a hiatus after a breakup or loss of a spouse, and then, when they feel like getting active again, wonder how to go about it. It isn’t just about finding a new partner, it’s doing things you like to do with others.

Here are some suggestions.

SINGLE ACTIVITIES GROUPS

You can find these groups through yellow pages, search engines or local churches. If you don’t find one in your town, start one. They fill a need.

These groups may or may not be age-limited. Structured in various ways, they usually have an Activities Chairperson who schedules events. The person who wants to “sponsor” an event or activity gets it on calendar, coordinates logistics (collects money, books tickets), takes reservations, answers questions and serves as welcoming host at event or activity itself.

MIXED GROUPS

Regular activity groups such as an Adventure Group are a great idea too. Activities are physically oriented, including dancing, kayacking, hiking, and camping trips. There could be one around culture too, or travel. They include both single and married folks, just like church, Rotary and workplace.

It’s a great way to meet new people, whether you’re a couple new to town who knows no one outside of work, or a single person hoping to find a partner.

Socializing around shared interests with an unplanned group of others is one of best ways to meet new members of opposite sex. They have a good energy, and you’re already on way toward compatibility.

Volunteering would also fit this category. Check out your local museums, non-profits, libraries, hospitals, zoo and alma mater to see what groups you can belong to and enjoy.

And don’t forget civic organizations.

Remember, you can make it happen. If you went to a big school and still live in that town, why not start a Single Alumni Club? You’d connect with people you have a lot in common with – history.

SINGLES FRIENDS GROUP

A Singles Friends Group may or may not be age-defined, and can include a wide variety of social events and activities out on town, up in hills, or in homes of members. Some may date, but it’s mostly about new friends and shared interests.

Included might be: wine and beer tasting, happy hour, a crafts party for members and their grandkids, Super Bowl party in someone’s home, Sunday night dinner and movie, a cruise, volunteer work, going to a rodeo, ballet or symphony, attending a cooking class, Game Night at someone’s home (bring your favorite board game), a Dance Gala inviting all-city singles, bowling, and just about anything else people enjoy doing together.

For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com

Title: Addiction to Clutter Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 797 Category: Addictions, Self Improvement

Addiction to Clutter Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Clutter is a big problem for many people. At a lecture that I gave, I asked for a show of hands regarding how many people had problems with clutter and disorganization. I was surprised to find that at least half people raised their hands.

One of my clients told me that she was trying to help her sister get back on her feet after her sister had been laid up with an illness and lost her job. Her sister’s house had always been a mess, and had become so filled with clutter that there was no place to walk or sit. My client, Rebecca, offered to buy her sister a car if she would clean up her house. Rebecca even offered to help her sister clean up house. Rebecca was shocked when her sister refused offer, even though she desperately needed car. He sister was unwilling to get rid of clutter.

Why? Why was “stuff” so important to her?

Underneath all addictions lies fear - of emptiness, helplessness, loneliness and aloneness. Addictions are a way to feel safe from feeling these difficult and painful feelings, and an addiction to clutter is no exception. It’s all about having a sense of control over feeling safe. Clutter, like all addictions, provides a momentary feeling of comfort. However, as with any addiction, clutterer needs more and more clutter to maintain illusion of safety and comfort.

When my mother died and my son was cleaning out her house, he discovered huge amounts of clutter. While my mother’s house always looked neat and clean, cupboards and drawers were filled with clutter. My son told me he found 6 broken hair dryers in one cabinet. Why would my mother want to keep six broken hair dryers?

My mother grew up during depression and always had a fear of not having enough. No matter how much she accumulated materially, she never felt that she had enough. The six hair dryers made her feel safe from her fear, even if they didn’t work.