Men and Their Little Friends

Written by D. Gustafson

I’ve never been able to quite get a grip on a man’s attitude towards his penis. Look it’s a body part. We all have body parts. But somehow, someway,repparttar male penis has evolved to such an extent; it has developed its own personality, hell, its own life. If I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’.

Go ahead, ask a man. I guarantee you; he’s namedrepparttar 118269 damned thing.

Now let me tell you, they’re not ordinary names, no sir. This small, goofy looking piece of flesh, sitting in front of two overly sensitive orbs, always, and I do mean always, merits some sort of large or action packed name – “Big Jim andrepparttar 118270 Twins” or “Pumpin’ Pile Driver o’ Passion”.

Yep, they’re talking about that thing that retreats atrepparttar 118271 merest suggestion of cold water, andrepparttar 118272 twins? They’re hydrophobic. No doubt about it, none at all. They don’t merely retreat, they flat out run away. Or is it roll away? A shyer trio you’ll never find.

These appellations, slightly threatening in tone, have no relation torepparttar 118273 actual size ofrepparttar 118274 organ. Evenrepparttar 118275 tiniest penis, to its owner, warrants big and dangerous names…”The Thrill Drill”, or my personal favorite, “Vladrepparttar 118276 Impaler”. At leastrepparttar 118277 latter shows a rudimentary knowledge of history.

I don’t quite understandrepparttar 118278 threatening part. When those little things are pressed into action, don’t they want to draw women in, attract them? Think about it for a second, would you prefer to be impaled, drilled, or massaged? Why not something like, “Gianni Gentle” or “Ronny Rubdown”? Or better yet, go forrepparttar 118279 gold with something meaningful, albeit lengthy, like, “No, Your Ass Doesn’t Look Big”.

My momma always taught me that you catch more flies with honey, than vinegar.

Owning a penis must be a daunting proposition,repparttar 118280 maintenance alone must be overwhelming. The poor owner has to continually “drainrepparttar 118281 main vein”, and “pull back its turtleneck” to properly wash. Then, of course, he has to dressrepparttar 118282 little bugger by “putting on its helmet”.

I nearly Drove the Ruddy Fire Engine Myself

Written by Holmes Charnley

Now then, those visitors already familiar with some ofrepparttar other articles onrepparttar 118268 site will know that, yes, I found love last year, but it involved me taking onrepparttar 118269 role as step dad. I wasn't really up for that, to be honest. It can be best summed up as: I fell in love but at a cost.

I was a bachelor boy and I don't mean inrepparttar 118270 way that Sir Cliff ruddy Richard is. No, that's just unnatural and deeply disturbing bachelorhood (!) I mean, I was one ofrepparttar 118271 boys downrepparttar 118272 bar, shooting pool and giving my liver a nervous breakdown.

But, there we are, I was in love so a young boy and girl became my step-kids. To be honest, I'm young at heart. It's an advantage. (I thinkrepparttar 118273 pickling of my liver weirdly also preserved my mind in a suspended perpetual youthful look on life. Pickled and preserved, I think they call it …)

It has been very hard for me at times, a whole new routine, but as I write this seven months have passed. And with those months, a certain acclimatisation has taken place.

I'd like to drawrepparttar 118274 reader's attention to something that happened earlier today. We were all downrepparttar 118275 town, sorting outrepparttar 118276 shopping etc, when I noticed that there was a fete being held onrepparttar 118277 forecourt ofrepparttar 118278 fire station. And as we moseyed over, it became apparent that kids were getting a ride roundrepparttar 118279 block in one ofrepparttar 118280 engines.

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