Marriage And MoneyWritten by Dr. Dorree Lynn
Studies show that money issues are highest cause of marital conflict and cause for divorce. Conflicts over money and money management outweigh conflicts over sex (including affairs) and differences over raising children as greatest trouble area in a marriage. Partners enter a marriage with an intensely personal history of how they have handled money that has usually been learned from their families of origin. When two people who are part of a couple have different expectations, thundering fights and lightening clashes can occur.I have worked with many couples who seem more relaxed talking about variety of sexual positions they have or have not experimented with than how much money one or both of them earns. Bill and Nadine are typical of a couple who love each other dearly, but whose marriage almost ended because of their different attitudes towards finances. Bill grew up as only child of a hard working father and homemaker mother. At an early age, he began working in his father’s butcher shop. His father had a strong work ethic and taught Bill never to take a day off, even if he was ill. Vacations were infrequent and had were considered a reward for a job well done. And, of course, a penny saved was considered a future dollar earned. Nadine’s parents had about same amount of money as Bill’s, but Nadine was taught that money was to be used for giving and spending and that “tomorrow would take care of itself.” She was generous to a fault and considered issues such as credit card debt just one of life’s small hurdles to be handled when time came. Although not a spendthrift, she was relaxed and casual around money matters. She liked to play and although she too could be a hard worker, she had been taught that way one rejuvenated her self was to take as many vacations as she could. They fell in love, married and within three months they were in my office screaming “divorce.” Bill felt as if Nadine was totally irresponsible, behaved like a child and that her spending habits would put them in poor house. Nadine felt as if “her wings were clipped,” and as if Bill was looking over her shoulder every second. She described her feelings as being unable to breathe and as if she was going to emotionally die.
| | Holiday BluesWritten by Dr. Dorree Lynn
There is no stigma attached to getting emotional help. After all, if you sprain your ankle you wouldn't think twice about going to a professional. If you "sprain your brain," so to speak, you need to treat that as well. While holidays are an exciting time for most people, many others suffer depression more severely during this time of year. And, depression doesn't just happen to other people. If you are alone or divorced, it can easily happen to you. Perhaps, as a result of events of September 11th, you are feeling particularly vulnerable this year. It’s a good time to take stock and hug those you love. Giving from heart really does help to heal.This is a particularly vulnerable time of year. The media, society and those around you tell you to be happy. Instead, you may be missing your family or your current situation is different from what you hoped it would be. Perhaps you have wonderful or dreadful childhood memories of this season that have resurfaced, or your expectations are unrealistic and you don't understand why? Maybe Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) has hit you bad and some light is required? Whatever reason for your blues this season, next year can be better. Get through this difficult time using all help available. The New Year and new opportunity will be with us soon. What To Do And How To Handle Holiday Blues More than 17 million Americans suffer from clinical depression every year. That's more than total of those persons stricken with cancer or heart disease. More than 15 percent of these individuals attempt suicide with an increase during holiday season. Sadly, many people don't know that depression can be treated, or are afraid to seek help because they fear that there is a stigma attached. There is no stigma attached to getting emotional help. After all, if you sprain your ankle you wouldn't think twice about going to a professional. If you "sprain your brain," so to speak, you need to treat that as well. While holidays are an exciting time for most people, remember, especially if you are part of a blended family, divorced or alone, you may be one of many who suffer depression more severely during this time of year. While everyone experiences bad moods, if you have seven out of ten pretty good days, you are in OK shape. However, you may be suffering from clinical depression if you experience five of following symptoms for two weeks or more, or if they occur almost every day for most of day for any extended time. How To Recognize A Bad Case of Holiday Blues: 1. Depressed mood most of day almost every day. 2. Feeling restless, anxious and agitated, unable to sit still.
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