Approach 1: Speak to group

Set stage for group to enforce its culture by making a general comment. Look at middle of group and say:

"Just a moment. Let's pause here to calm down. I can tell we're upset about this. And we want to find a fair solution for everyone." (Take slow deep breaths and relax to model calming down.)

After saying this, pause a moment to let group respond. Often, someone else will support your request. Then continue as if everything were normal.

Avoid looking at attacker when speaking to group. Making eye contact acknowledges and returns power to attacker.

Approach 2: Explore for cause

Sometimes people throw insults from behind a fence of presumed safety. You can disrupt this illusion by saying:

"Chris, you seem upset with that."

"Pat, you seem to disagree."

"You seem to have reservations about this."

I realize these statements may sound like naive responses to an insult. However, such understated responses improve situation because they sound less threatening, feel easier to deliver, and preserve other person's self-esteem. Realize attacker may have viewed attack less seriously than it sounded.

Now, what do you do?

And how do you prevent this sort of thing from happening?

Or what could you have done to stop it once it started?

Here are basic strategies for dealing with unproductive behavior in meetings.

Respect other people. Always treat others with respect, even if they are doing things that seem wrong. Their "bad" behavior could be based on many things, such as a lack of skill, a misunderstanding, or a response to a threat. It could also be a simple mistake. Or maybe they're expressing an indirect warning, complaint, or cry of pain. If you respond with disrespect, such as with a counterattack, you will make a bad situation worse. They will either retreat, which means they stop contributing to your meeting, or they will retaliate, which can escalate to an argument that ruins your meeting.