She did not operate with social belief that she should choose her friends only from people her own age. We became very close friends and remained so until her death at age of eight-two.

When Doris turned seventy-five, she was already widowed. The week she turned seventy-five, Doris threw two birthday parties for herself, one on a Wednesday night, and one on Saturday. Over thirty different people attended each party. I was only person invited to both. In all, about seventy of Doris’ friends came that week to celebrate her birthday. On both nights many people stayed until past one in morning.

As I looked around room at both parties that week in amazement, I noticed that people attending her birthday parties were of all ages. They included toddlers, teens, middle-aged people, and elderly.

Doris had never restricted herself to making friends only within her own age group. She had always made it a point to befriend people of all ages. Consequently, she did not suffer same social fate so many elderly people face when their circle of same-age friends starts to dwindle from sickness and death. I hoped that when I was same age as Doris that I would be able to have as many friends and acquaintances gathered to help celebrate my birthday.

I didn’t know any other people her age who could throw two birthday parties in one week, and have seventy people show up. I wondered how Doris had made so many friends.

She had never been wealthy, but over years Doris and her husband had made a practice of opening their hearts and their home to many people. They not only befriended a lot of people and maintained those friendships over years, but they also befriended children of their friends, and stayed friends with younger generation.

I noticed that whenever I brought some of my own friends with me to visit Doris, she never treated my friends as expendable people that she would never see again.

She was gracious and kind and interested in all of them. Her caring about each human being was always apparent. When we finished our visit, Doris would often extend an invitation to friends I had brought to come and visit her again, and many of them did so.

When she issued invitations Doris never seemed as if she were inviting people because she was lonely or desperate for company. Her invitations were always genuinely joyful. She loved meeting people and wanted to see them again.

As Doris neared end of her life, she became very ill and very poor. Yet, she never lacked for love and support from many friends she had kept making throughout her whole life.

Self-Judgment is sabotaging your professional efforts learn how to STOP it!

I work with clients daily to clarify their efforts toward success and to see what is hobbling them in that process. After over twenty years of this I see over and over again how some form of self-judgment and self-criticism is major culprit. I see how it establishes self-doubt, stops possible solutions from developing, and diminishes vision and energy of what could be. It keeps many people within realm of what they have already learned and not taking new strides forward. What steps would you take in your business, what results would you expect, what would you dare if judgment wasn’t present? It may be a more important question than you even realize! For many people this dynamic is silent and is like air that they breathe. For others it is loud and clear but accepted as just way they are. So question is – Who is in Charge Anyway? Is it some idea based on your cumulative experience, some old voice that has haunted you for years or is it full force of your vision and your creative ability?

All self-judgment is a reflection of learning from past. It is fabric of things you were taught by your parents, teachers, religion, media images and constantly offers you advice, evaluations, information about how short you are falling. Self-judgment creates ideas and images of who we think we need to be in order to be acceptable. Its action is very cruel because it attacks core of who you are. Many people when life has been inexplicably difficult for some time call themselves a failure; if they make a mistake they call themselves stupid – they repeat what they were taught somewhere along line. Often when I am working with a client they will cling to some self-judgment saying, “But it’s true –I did fail at that”. The issue is how that is used to diminish yourself. It is very different to recognize you made an error than it is to attack yourself saying you are a failure. In first instance you may be able to look objectively at what has happened and find a solution. I n second instance you end up feeling small, worthless and helpless.

Operating within an inner or outer atmosphere of judgment deprives us of a large percentage of our creativity and connection to our deepest acceptance and therefore access to deeper qualities of functioning. Self-judgment keeps old limiting beliefs about our selves in place and often prevents us from creating what is that we truly want and from achieving broader levels of success. Often judgments are felt as: criticisms, condemnations, guidelines, motivators, accusations, advice, rejections, suggestions, comparison & questions. They have energetic effects including: loss of energy, anger, tension, depression, anxiety, heat, weakness, restlessness, deadness & numbness. The feelings generated in us are to dislike and to reject ourselves.

Because they seem generated from inside us and are largely unconscious we don’t recognize them as attacks and do not know how to defend against them. Attacking ourselves is a major source of self-betrayal and sabotage. Attacking others is an important cause of separation and alienation.