Make Your Life Easier Written by David Wood
Make Your Life Easier 'Have you read Art of War?' someone asked me once. Fighting someone to get your way is definitely a valid strategy. But you don't need me to tell you about that one - we've all been arguing and manipulating to get our own way since we were born! And you may have noticed - often when you push, other person pushes back! Wars have been fought, relationships lost, and many ulcers create with this kind of energy. This article is about opposite approach - art of fun surrender! Now many people who know me know I'm not usually first person to use this approach! In fact I can often be a real control-freak. However, I've been noticing quite often lately how much fun it can be to surrender - and often you don't lose a thing!!! So, call this 'observations from a novice'... Surrender 1 I was getting very frustrated with pedestrians in Byron Bay. They cross street anywhere they like, often without warning - it's like they think whole of Byron is a mall! So there's been a power play evolving: they walk across street in face of my oncoming car, and sometimes I swear they even ~slow down~ to show me they have right! So I drive right up to them - to make point that I've got right of way, and they should at least ~look~ if they are going to stroll across road. This week I decided to try something new: I decided that pedestrians have right of way in Byron. That these are their roads, and they get to do what they want with them. In fact, I decided I'm lucky to be able to drive around Byron at all! So how different do you think my experience was yesterday in car? I drove much slower, I watched for people everywhere. I even slowed down and waved people across when I could see they were thinking of darting across road. Much more fun! Surrender 2 My partner Bronwyn cleans kitty litter. I was ~stunned~ when she looked like she was about to throw cat poo over balcony onto our lawn! When I said 'What are you doing!!??', she replied that it smelled, she wanted to get rid of it in a hurry, and since it was raining we'd never notice it there and it would eventually disappear into soil. Well - I gotta tell you - part of me that tries to keep everything together - to keep things ordered and tidy - went nuts! I was furious at idea of cat poo littered all over our beautiful lawn. Having spent years practicing boundaries in my own life and helping my clients do same, I started with what I knew - albeit with a little charge attached: 'NO! That doesn't work for me. You can't throw cat poo over balcony' Fortunately, within seconds I realised how dominating and controlling this was. I was scared and reacting. And in that moment it came to me: 'You know what? It's perfectly OK if you throw it over side. But, I want you to know that I would really dislike it, and every morning I would go down and clean it off lawn - which would make unpleasant work for me. But if you still want to do it, I'm OK with it'. And believe it or not - I meant it! Of course I couldn't imagine why anyone would continue to do it knowing it would create work like that for their partner - but point was I was willing to handle it if that's what she decided. I ~surrendered~ instead of controlling situation. And you know what? She hasn't done it since.
| | How to Coach YourselfWritten by David Wood
How to Coach Yourself Some people are not in a position to work with a coach right now. Some are stretched financially, while some are still using “lone ranger” method. Other people might be uncertain about trying something new. So here is a brief, simple process I often use with clients that you can apply to you own situation i.e. coach yourself! And at end of article I will mention how you can go even further than this using a professional coach. STEP 1) Clarify your goal Some of us are not moving forward simply because we have not set a goal that inspires us! Make it specific e.g. 20% increase in income by January 1. And you can stretch yourself, but keep it realistic. If you’re blocked, schedule creative time to play with ideas. Dream, cry, challenge. Ask someone. Create it! Don’t get hung up on ‘right’ goal, just pick something exciting that takes your fancy – then trust yourself, and move to Step 2). STEP 2) Plan What overall strategy(s) will you use? For example, to lose weight, will your strategy be dietary, exercise based, or a combination? To increase income will you increase your knowledge, switch employers, network, or improve performance. For this stage you will also set your milestones to achieve along way, with deadlines attached (say every 3-6 months). Also list tasks to achieve along way in between milestones. STEP 3) Action Once you have overall plan in place, it’s time to get down to specific action. You might like to list action steps you will take in next 7 days, or next 30. When you have completed these actions, it’s time to evaluate, celebrate, and write next list of action steps.
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