MARCH MADNESS & MERRIMENT!

-- Or, eccentric events and odd occasions to celebrate in March 2005 --

**Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon

Let’s see…it’s March. According to Calendar of Quips, it’s definitely third month of twelve, (which means we’re only one quarter of our way through “Year of Rooster”).

If you’re not blessed big bird ruling roost this year, then you'd better be really good at counting your chicks before they hatch.

On second thought, it's probably not a wise idea to rely on anyone laying proverbial golden egg on your doorstep anytime soon.

And whatever you do, don’t resort to any whining, snivelling, or whimpering tactics. There are no “wet-blanket appreciation days” this month!

So, fling your frowns on a fire, toss your troubles away, and while you're at it, why not try kicking up platform heels or doing a little soft shoe routine for a change!

Now that you've got your glad rags on, join in festivities of MARCH MADNESS & MERRIMENT!!

NOTE: Those with an allergic reaction to good times should definitely stay home and play mind games with their pets, or watch TV shows featuring “lifestyles of old coots and curmudgeons”, home renovation tips for couch potatoes, or how to impress guests with your favorite KD comfort food.

MARCH MADNESS & MERRIMENT EVENTS & CELEBRATIONS

1. MAD HATTER APPRECIATION DAY (If you’re late for a very important date who really cares? Put on your old TV rabbit ears, trap-door sleepers, and of wear a terrific smile!)

2. PISCES AWARENESS DAY (If you see a floundering fish or one swimming in two directions, you’ve hooked a Pisces; throw it back in drink and try to jig a puffer!)

3. MOPS 'N' MUSTACHCHIOS DAY (Time to wax poetic with your mop or create a handle-bar mustache to impress a secret admirer or fend off Hobgoblin from Heck)

4. EVERYONE’S ENTITLED TO MY OPINION DAY (Be a bit lippy or ludicrous, and sally or sashay forth to add your two cents worth about level of customer service at your local Passion Pit-Stop or your last trip to “Cloud Nine”)

5. FLUFF APPRECIATION DAY (In honor of all those who excel in art of bureaucratic bafflegab, delightful double-speak, and silver-tongued titillations)

6. BAGPIPE MUSIC APPRECIATION DAY (A fine way to appreciate mellifluous melodies of gifted wind bags and ancient bladders ...knowing full well why someone invented a convenient dampening device commonly known as “ear-plugs”)

7. NEVER ON A MONDAY (It’s time to loosen your collar, let your hair down, and break another house or workplace rule just for fun!)

8. SHOPPING QUEEN FOR A DAY (It’s fabulous feline appreciation day ...time to use your credit card to buy all those sparkly little gems for sale on TV Shopping Channel)

9. QUAGMIRE APPRECIATION DAY (Time to honor all “stick-in-the-muds” you know in great swamp, blessed bog or quick-sand-box of life ...don’t forget to say Hello and wave as you walk, jog or race by with a big beautiful smile on your face!)

10. PODUNK APPRECIATION DAY (A skill-testing occasion to see how many small, remote, isolated towns you can name without any help from a friend, family member or a former teacher)

11. FORTUNE COOKIE APPRECIATION DAY (It’s time to pay tribute to those tasteless wisecracking tidbits you crack open after a meal of tofu and stir-fried thingamabobs)

12. LOVE HANDLE & WATTLE APPRECIATION DAY (Never too late to flaunt your flab is it? Just make sure that it’s legal ...you don’t want a night in slammer do you!)