Written by Beatrice Blitterlees & Earl Craboon

Copyright "The Quipping Queen" 2005.


-- Or, eccentric events and odd occasions to celebrate in March 2005 --

**Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon

Let’s see…it’s March. According torepparttar Calendar of Quips, it’s definitelyrepparttar 118083 third month of twelve, (which means we’re only one quarter of our way throughrepparttar 118084 “Year ofrepparttar 118085 Rooster”).

If you’re notrepparttar 118086 blessed big bird rulingrepparttar 118087 roost this year, then you'd better be really good at counting your chicks before they hatch.

On second thought, it's probably not a wise idea to rely on anyone layingrepparttar 118088 proverbial golden egg on your doorstep anytime soon.

And whatever you do, don’t resort to any whining, snivelling, or whimpering tactics. There are no “wet-blanket appreciation days” this month!

So, fling your frowns on a fire, toss your troubles away, and while you're at it, why not try kicking up platform heels or doing a little soft shoe routine for a change!

Now that you've got your glad rags on, join inrepparttar 118089 festivities of MARCH MADNESS & MERRIMENT!!

NOTE: Those with an allergic reaction to good times should definitely stay home and play mind games with their pets, or watch TV shows featuring “lifestyles of old coots and curmudgeons”, home renovation tips for couch potatoes, or how to impress guests with your favorite KD comfort food.


1. MAD HATTER APPRECIATION DAY (If you’re late for a very important date who really cares? Put on your old TV rabbit ears, trap-door sleepers, and of wear a terrific smile!)

2. PISCES AWARENESS DAY (If you see a floundering fish or one swimming in two directions, you’ve hooked a Pisces; throw it back inrepparttar 118090 drink and try to jig a puffer!)

3. MOPS 'N' MUSTACHCHIOS DAY (Time to wax poetic with your mop or create a handle-bar mustache to impress a secret admirer or fend offrepparttar 118091 Hobgoblin from Heck)

4. EVERYONE’S ENTITLED TO MY OPINION DAY (Be a bit lippy or ludicrous, and sally or sashay forth to add your two cents worth aboutrepparttar 118092 level of customer service at your local Passion Pit-Stop or your last trip to “Cloud Nine”)

5. FLUFF APPRECIATION DAY (In honor of all those who excel inrepparttar 118093 art of bureaucratic bafflegab, delightful double-speak, and silver-tongued titillations)

6. BAGPIPE MUSIC APPRECIATION DAY (A fine way to appreciaterepparttar 118094 mellifluous melodies of gifted wind bags and ancient bladders ...knowing full well why someone invented a convenient dampening device commonly known as “ear-plugs”)

7. NEVER ON A MONDAY (It’s time to loosen your collar, let your hair down, and break another house or workplace rule just for fun!)

8. SHOPPING QUEEN FOR A DAY (It’s fabulous feline appreciation day ...time to use your credit card to buy all those sparkly little gems for sale onrepparttar 118095 TV Shopping Channel)

9. QUAGMIRE APPRECIATION DAY (Time to honor allrepparttar 118096 “stick-in-the-muds” you know inrepparttar 118097 great swamp, blessed bog or quick-sand-box of life ...don’t forget to say Hello and wave as you walk, jog or race by with a big beautiful smile on your face!)

10. PODUNK APPRECIATION DAY (A skill-testing occasion to see how many small, remote, isolated towns you can name without any help from a friend, family member or a former teacher)

11. FORTUNE COOKIE APPRECIATION DAY (It’s time to pay tribute to those tasteless wisecracking tidbits you crack open after a meal of tofu and stir-fried thingamabobs)

12. LOVE HANDLE & WATTLE APPRECIATION DAY (Never too late to flaunt your flab is it? Just make sure that it’s legal don’t want a night inrepparttar 118098 slammer do you!)

13. SLINKY TOY DAY (A wonderful way to bring back munchkin memories or amuse your bored, adult, inner nitwit when all hell is breaking lose at home or at work)

Quotes and Sayings - Colloquialisms Part 3

Written by Lisa Jay

Not very nice but colloquialisms justrepparttar same. (just fill inrepparttar 118082 blank with a word of your choice)

"you annoy me like a wet leaf stuck to my __" "they don't put foundations under s___ houses" "I'd rather board you than feed you, even if you sh__repparttar 118083 bed!" "he's like a one-legged man in an a__ -kicking contest".  "oh, go sh__ in your hat" - only say this to a grump! "want in one hand, sh__ inrepparttar 118084 other, and see which one gets full first." "remember, (name), don't eat any yellow show" "it's time to make like a princess and pee" "you can't pee up my back and tell me its rain!" "like a fart on a hot griddle" "I'm busier than a cat covering cr__." "queer as a three dollar bill." "colder than a well digger's a__" "so full of sh__ his eyes are brown" "doesn't know his a__ from a hole inrepparttar 118085 ground" "couldn't pour p__s out of a boot ifrepparttar 118086 instructions were written onrepparttar 118087 heel." "when I was hard I was soft and when I was soft I was hard." "colder than a witch's t__ in a brass bra" "slipperier than a witch's t__" "two ax handles wide acrossrepparttar 118088 a__" - large behind "two ax handles and a rain barrel" - really large behind "a horse that sh__ fast don't sh__ long." "fell a__ over tin cup" "go p__ up a rope." "scared sh__less" "tighter than a bull's a__ in fly time" "not worth a patch on his mother’s a__" "cold enough to freezerepparttar 118089 balls off a brass monkey" "faster than a striped-a__ jaybird" "a__hole deep to a ten foot indian" "wouldn't say sh__ if he had a mouthful" "didn’t know whether to sh__ or go blind" "so drunk he couldn't find his a__ with both hands" "never cut a fat hog inrepparttar 118090 a__ with a dull knife" "face as red as a jaybird's a__ in pokeberry time" "not tough enough to kickrepparttar 118091 sh__ out of your own pants" "so weak you couldn't knock a sick wh___ off a sh__ pot" "food tasted so badrepparttar 118092 dog had to lick his a__ to takerepparttar 118093 taste out of his mouth" "a__ as big as a $40 cow" "mouth as dry as popcorn fart" "hotter than a cut mink" (spayed) "didn't know whether to sh__ or wind his watch" "not worthrepparttar 118094 scrapings off a hound dogs a__" "as full of sh__ as a Christmas turkey" "hotter than a June bride in a feather bed" "harder than a whore's heart"

Cont'd on page 2 ==> © 2005
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