Life on Your Terms

Written by Susan Franzen


It’s taken me a long time to understand what it means to live life on my own terms. I’m a “fixer” by nature. Give me a problem and I’ll “fix” it. Show me an unhappy or unfulfilled person and I’ll “fix” them. It’s a great entrepreneurial trait, but carries a belief that has held me back.

I always felt that enough love, patience, resources, and logic could “fix” anything or anyone. I got off onrepparttar high of a new “fixing” opportunity. With such a great gift, who was I to say “no”?

I’ve learned that not every problem needs to be “fixed”. Not every unhappy person wants to be “fixed”. Not every “fixing” opportunity that comes my way is a good fit for me. Just because I “can” doesn’t mean I should.

There are a lot of things I “can” do. When I see a business I think is exciting, I tell myself, “I can do that!” Or someone with an intriguing lifestyle, I think, “I can have that!” For most of my life I’ve competed with others who are doingrepparttar 123170 very things I knew I “could”. A very disappointing competition, I might add. Not because I “couldn’t”, but because I never asked myselfrepparttar 123171 right question. I jumped in with both feet knowing I could and never askedrepparttar 123172 most important question. It’srepparttar 123173 question I now ask every time I see an opportunity. It’srepparttar 123174 question I ask my clients to ask. “Do I WANT to do it?”

Here’s how to use it. Define your terms:

1.Define what you want to do (your goal). 2.Understand how this goal aligns with your overall goals (if it doesn’t, start over with #1). 3.Determine what you are willing to do to accomplish it. 4.Determine what you are willing to give up to accomplish it. 5.Identify your concrete areas (those things you won’t give up or change). 6.Determine how long you are willing to commit to it. 7.Identify resources you are willing to commit to it (consider hiring a coach to keep you on track). 8.Find a way to measure your progress. 9.Develop a plan for determining when it’s time to move on (if your specific goal no longer matches your overall goals) 10.Find a way to know when you’re done.

It's Too Hard, Let Me Tell You About It

Written by Susan Dunn, MA Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach


Whining. It’s such a waste of time. It’s also one of those things that feels good while you’re doing it, but not afterwards. So is commiserating. If you’re involved in this futile loop, it’s time to get out.

What do I mean?

Well, let’s say there’s something you must do you don’t want to. This could be so many things – de-clutteringrepparttar garage, writing a thank you note, going torepparttar 123168 DVM to get your license renewed, taking that pile of clothes over to Goodwill, turning in your expense account report, or writing a performance review for an employee.

Each of these tasks I’ve mentioned could take you an hour or two. If you talk about it, however, it could extend into infinity. If you’rerepparttar 123169 whining type, you could call everyone you know and fuss about what you aren’t doing, and each phone call could easily take an hour.

If you’rerepparttar 123170 commiserating typerepparttar 123171 whiner knows they can go to, you could easily devote an hour to their whining, which would allow you not to do what you should be doing, and then go whine to someone else.

The payoff isrepparttar 123172 connection with people, and not having to dorepparttar 123173 nasty chore. We all like sympathy, emotional connection, empathy and “understanding.” After all, no one’s going to argue with you that going torepparttar 123174 DVM ranks right up there with a root canal.

There are procrastinators and then there are blackhole procrastinators. I have one friend who procrastinates on tasks he doesn’t want to do, but he’s generally happy about it all, and he doesn’t call other people and complain. He also occupies himself keeping busy with things he likes to do, and there are many. He limits his ability to succeed by this habit, but it’s somewhat contained and he doesn’t bother other people with it too much.

Then there’s Erin, who’s a blackhole procrastinator. She sucks things into her negative energy. Get around it and you could disappear and come out in an alternate universe. In fact it IS an alternate universe. While she is putting off what she should be doing, she is gobbling up other people’s time, and sucking away their positive emotions with her complaining.

Because this is a habit to her, her list of things that are “too hard,” “awful,” and “unfair” goes on forever. It’s so long I know she’s CAPABLE of being organized and efficient, because I would have to have a written list of allrepparttar 123175 things to complain about.

Yes, I limitrepparttar 123176 time I’m willing to listen to her complain. But as I prematurely terminaterepparttar 123177 phone call when I hearrepparttar 123178 laundry list of whines about to happen, I know she’s got her hand onrepparttar 123179 dial ready to callrepparttar 123180 next person who will listen to her.

The thing is that complaining doesn’t make a difference. Now, if you had a parent where complaining worked and got you out of doing things, smart child that you are, you developedrepparttar 123181 habit. It worked. You’d have been dumb NOT to use it.

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