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I, like many stay at home moms, often wonder if I did right thing. Yes, I know, staying at home to raise my family could never have been wrong choice, but I often wonder what would happen if I’d be forced back into working world, due to some unforseen tragedy.

I left a very well paying position as a manager with a highly respected retirement investment firm three years ago. This was a decision my husband and I had made eight years prior with birth of our son. We had already been raising a daughter and she was eleven at time. Never needing to take significant amounts of time to travel back and forth from work, and having decent day care was what got us through those years. But, having moved into a country setting and having available resources few and far between, not to mention two hour commute each day for both of us, decision was made to put our resources into making a stay at home opportunity feasible.

Well, needless to say, it took eight years to make that happen. With my husband starting a new company and my ability to make a decent salary providing jumping off point, all that was left was to take plunge. At that point, I couldn’t have been happier, but with each passing season, I began to see myself as less and less valuable . . . Can you imagine?

Here’s where I realized that, by depending solely on my husband, and staying out of work force I was losing control of my life. I was missing something or missing out somehow. But, in making this frightening assessment, I also came to understand who I really was and what I really wanted. I love being home and taking care of my family, I never wish to go back to working 50+ hours a week and I certainly do not want to work in an office environment again. So how did I go about making some positive changes?

First, I took a look around me and at people and relationships I most admired. It turned out that I had lost contact with many of those people, and began to make a conscious effort to make time for them and include them in my life again as well.

Your husband is cheating. You’re not sure what to do. Before wrestling with that decision, let’s focus first on what you SHOULDN’T do. Most women react blindly when they find out their husbands are having an affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge compel them to do things they later regret -- things which make it difficult or impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity advice they may later receive.

This article will keep you from making a mistake that could sabotage course of action you eventually decide to take. Regardless of whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to work things out, doing wrong thing at outset can make a bad situation worse. Let’s look at 5 key things you SHOULDN’T do and examine reasons why.

1. Don’t put him out or leave him - yet.

Instead of your first move, putting your husband out or leaving him should be your last resort. You may eventually decide to do this, but for now, it’s worst thing you can do. Right now you need to keep a close eye on what’s going on. It’ll be easier to do that if two of you are still living under same roof. If you put him out or leave, you’ll be hard-pressed to know what he’s doing, short of hiring an investigator. As long as you’re still together, you can keep your finger on pulse of his affair and gather some much-needed facts. There’s a lot you need to know about situation before you can make an intelligent decision about what to do. Continue monitoring your husband’s activities, attitude, frequency of his contact with his lover and any other details concerning his affair. Write everything down in a journal for future use. Also bear in mind that as long as he’s still there, you have a chance to work things out.

2. Don’t tell whole world about his infidelity.

It’s natural to want to confide in somebody about your husband’s affair, or rally friends and family to your side. But be very cautious about who you tell. The female friend you confide in could turn out to be “other woman.” Make sure you’re confiding in someone you know you can trust. Confiding in a male friend about your husband’s affair could complicate situation. There are men out there who take advantage of women when they’re in a vulnerable state. Telling your husband’s friends or family may not produce results you want. They might not take you seriously, or they may lie, make excuses for him, take his side, or warn him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own family and friends can eventually come back to haunt you. Elephants aren’t only ones who never forget. Some people have a tendency to remember unpleasant events long after they’ve been resolved. If you and your husband decide to reconcile, they could make things difficult by harboring anger and hostility toward him for what he did to you. Or they may show resentment toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution in who you tell about your husband’s affair.

3. Don’t ignore his affair or pretend it’s not happening.