Learn to Say NoWritten by David Wood
Learn to Say No How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didn’t want to do? For someone at work? Your friends? Even your spouse? All you had to do was say no, but word didn’t come out. So you end up doing it…and later resent it. A coaching client said to me she was agreeing to things she didn’t want to do, but for some reason, she felt obliged to do them. Instead of taking enjoyment in task, she would later feel angry with herself and resentful towards person she had said ‘yes’ to. So then she went on to list further reasons why she wanted to say no. I stopped her by saying, “You are even justifying yourself to me!” We feel we have to justify ourselves and give extremely good reasons for saying no. Even when reason is simply: “I don’t want to.” Check-in With Yourself I asked my client what was one thing she could do to work on this. She suggested she start checking in with herself before saying yes or no. You can ask yourself, “Is this right for me?” Support yourself in doing what feels right and well with you. And if it’s not something for you, try expressing that no. Have Fun With It! Saying no doesn’t have to be serious or angry. My client also wanted to lighten up, so I recommended she try stirring it up a little, to have fun with it. You can try out different responses like, “Nope, never as long as I live” or “Baby sit your kids - are you crazy?” What are some other great responses you can try to make 'saying no' more fun? Make a List I suggested my client list areas and people in her life where she had most trouble saying no. I told her it was up to her what to do with that list. Where do you have trouble saying no? Is it perhaps time to have some honest conversations with people?
| | Time to Risk MoreWritten by David Wood
Time to Risk More (Note to reader: As always, of course you need to be willing to take all consequences of your actions.) 100 people aged 100 were asked: “What do you regret most? What would you do differently?” The majority answered: “I wish I had risked more”. We regret things we don't do, far more than things we do. Fear STOPS us living. We get a sense of security.... which can be upset at any moment anyway. Control is an illusion - we can't control events. So it’s a sad joke on us humans that people who try hardest to live in their comfort zones get upset most. Once we accept that we can’t control life, and that comfort is not very fulfilling, we are free to risk. What can happen? Rejection, moving into a smaller home, losing our partner, breaking an arm, losing a job we like etc. But above all we fear looking silly, foolish, or failing at something. What would your life be like if for past 10 years you had lived without fear? What if life is a game, and we've forgotten? We attach significance to everything - no I can't ask her out because XXXX, I shouldn't apply for that job - I wouldn't get it. I'm not going to take singing lessons - I'm not any good. If you feel you are at risk of regretting not fully living your life when you lie on your death bed, I invite you to complete following exercise: Optional Exercise: Write down three areas where you play it safe. Pick one area where you are willing to risk more. Play a bigger game. Live LIFE! (Is it dating? Communication - telling truth ALWAYS! Going on a holiday - backpacking through South America? Making a commitment - moving in/marriage? LEAVING a relationship!!? Pick one, and share it with a friend.
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