Listening may be single most powerful skill of communication for it is an act of respect and of valuing. It seems counterintuitive, yet when we listen and seek to understand first, we also create more receptivity in other to hear us. When we create such an environment of safety, people are willing to take risks and new learning can occur.

There are four building blocks of conversation that help people move out of defensive, routinized, or reactive communication patterns that inhibit movement towards clear action and successful achievement of desired goals.

1. Developing Your Listening Skills — This includes eye contact, listening without thinking of one’s rebuttals or preparing for what to say next, listening for emotional content as well as information, and asking questions to clarify meaning

"An open ear is only believable sign of an open heart." David Augsburger

"A human being is a part of whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and whole of nature in its beauty." Albert Einstein

As someone who's always been interested in and curious about "soft skills" that make individuals, groups, and teams particularly effective, it seems to me that empathy has gotten short shrift in terms of just how powerful a capability it is in influencing people, building relationships, getting buy-in and motivation, and creating resilience both personally and in systems. I've also been bemused by irony of that expression, as soft stuff is hard stuff for many of us!

In working with an executive coaching client recently, I was asked to conduct some interviews for 360 feedback, and was struck by importance her peers and bosses placed on her being able to understand and hold her customers' perspectives.

In fact, without actually using word "empathy", a number of interviewees indicated it was a key success factor if my client wants to be more effective in her leadership and influence, even though she is already perceived as a very caring, people-competent director.

So what are we talking about exactly? The American Heritage Dictionary defines empathy as "Understanding so intimate that feelings, thoughts, and motives of one are readily comprehended by another."

In emotional intelligence lexicon, empathy is core, critical competence of social awareness. In this context, particularly as it applies to business performance and organizations, empathy is ability to understand other people, to take other and multiple perspectives.