Excellent communication. It’s what we’re all after, when
first rule of communication is to assume you’ve been misunderstood.We generally work very hard to express what we have in mind, and in giving instructions to go over each one step-by-step. We also try and listen carefully, and to repeat back what we think we’ve heard to be sure. And if we’re selling, we try an anticipate objections. But there’s one part that’s very helpful we often leave out.
I learned it from my Dad, a great communicator, when I was a teenager. I didn’t like to listen too closely, and often knew less than I thought I did. Like most teenagers. He was a gifted teacher, a patient and careful communicator, and convincing judges no doubt prepared him to convince teenage girls.
Now this will mean nothing to you if you haven’t driven from a northern suburb into Chicago on Lake Shore Drive, but I hope you can think of something similar in your own experience.
As you make drive, there are several turns and then one big swing toward Lake. If you live there and are at all ‘directional’, you always know Lake is on your left when you’re going south and going into Chicago is south. Coming home, you keep Lake on your right. The suburbs were laid out on a grid, long before planned communities, and it’s one area where you can turn right, right, and right again and get back to where you started from. (When I moved to rural North Carolina and tried this, I ended up in another county!) Now, on this particular occasion I was going to ballpark for first time, and my Dad was telling me how to get there. He carefully gave my instructions, drawing me a map on a piece of paper, and said, “Now when you get to XXX, instead of turning left as you always do, you’re going to go straight ahead.”
I said I got it and was ready to head out door. Just before I did, he said, “Just remember: Resist all urges to turn left.” I said “okay” and headed out.
When I got to turn, I saw what he meant. Straight ahead looked like a dead end. If I was sure of anything, it was that I should go ahead and follow hundreds of cars swinging left. Only my father’s “resist all urges” kept me going straight ahead, and on to ballpark.
And fact he phrased it that way piqued my curiosity. “What’s that?” I thought. So I remembered.
I also felt very close to him as turn appeared. This is sort of engagement you like to have with someone you’re learning from or working with. I thought he was really something to have anticipated how I would be feeling.
TAKE HOME POINT: We are more likely to get someone’s attention, to convince them, and to motivate them by engaging their emotions.
Saying “Do not turn left” puts negative in your mind, raises resistance, and may be forgotten. Saying “turn right” may also be forgotten when needed, especially since he’d grown up there, driving that drive a thousand times, and obviously had done it himself. He had NOT resisted urge to turn left, and knew all about it. This is a small example with small consequences.
