Its Not About Who's RightWritten by Maggie Vlazny, MSW
I see this so much in my office- couples wanting to re-hash a week old argument and wanting me to judge who's right. Detail by detail they correct each other, exactly who said what, who did what first, as if each admited detail is a score toward finish line.
But nobody really gets anywhere because there are no winners in an argument between partners. If there's a winner that means there's a loser, which means winner loses too. Losers don't like winners very much. (Which, by way, leaves winners out in cold with frostbite you know where. )
Relationships are not about opponents or gladiators. They're about loving your lover.
Partners as MindreadersWritten by Maggie Vlazny, MSW
SPOUSE AS MINDREADER
Well, I'm here to tell you that's not gonna happen. Though it's amazing how many people expect mindreading in a relationship. Particularly women. See, we women think we can read our partner's minds, and can't understand why its not reciprocated. The good news is, obviously, that no one can read anyone's mind. That's not communicating, that's very very very wishful, and often destructive, thinking. Actually, you might want to really reconsider this wish. Imagine if he or she could read everything in your mind?
Example of woman thinking she's mindreading: Husband is watching tv, gorgeous, sexy female appears in an ad. Wife mistakenly mindreads: "You're thinking about how much prettier she is than me, aren't you? You're thinking you'd really like to have sex with her, admit it! If you COULD have one time out on our commitment, you'd be with her, wouldn't you?" Now, poor guy is really wondering if tonight is a green light with his wife(he obviously has no shot with actress on tv) but now he doesn't go for it because he might get in more trouble. She gets pissed at him for "lying" to her, and now he doesn't dare come on to her because he's pissed her off (no clue why) when really she wants him to mindread that she wants him to come on to her..... but has chosen a less than effective way of communicating this to him...