Is your soulmate an idiot?

Lately, I think people are investing too much energy in idea that they "must find their soulmate." Where do we get this idea that we are somehow not complete unless we are connected to another person? What are you? An electrical outlet waiting for a plug, so you can finally light up world? Frankly, when I hear word "soulmate" I tend to give a little shudder, especially when I think about some of people in my past that I have considered to be my soulmates. Quite frankly, most of my soulmates were idiots! The Buddha would say that they were also my teachers -- people I have known in a previous life time who have come back in this lifetime to teach me a lesson. Boy did they, but unfortunately, it sometimes takes several soul mates to teach us just one lesson. (Hint, hint -- I think lesson is supposed to be about "letting go" and stop trying to control, or own people -- a common problem in this society.) Most people think that they have found their soulmate just because they feel a strong connection to a person. Unfortunately, that connection may not have anything to do with spirituality at all. It is amazing how lust can convince us that we are spiritually connected to a person. The person may just seem familiar, because they remind you of an ex boyfriend, a parent, or even someone who molested you as a child. I also hate way term soulmate is often used by people as an excuse to stay in a relationship where they are clearly being abused ...half time abuser is using concept of soulmate as blackmail: "but you have to take this crap from me! You're beholden to me. I knew you in another life!" You can tell your soulmate is an idiot, if he left you eight months ago and you feel like he is still hanging around in your aura, or even worse, visiting you in dreams, or plaguing you with unwanted thoughts like "this was really all your fault, you know." Time to evict this tenant from your cosmic field.

Never Ever Show You're Jealous

O.k., you're standing there all alone at a party and in far corner of room your boyfriend is talking to some groovy chick. She's coming onto him and much to your dismay, he doesn't seem to be bragging about all how happy he is in his relationship with you. In fact, he even seems to be encouraging and indulging shameless slattern's disgusting, desperate, gall-filled pleas for sexual attention. So you a) burst into tears and run from room b) go up to him and drape yourself around his neck so she can't miss fact that you and him are "together" or c) stand there and repeatedly tap his shoulder with your finger going "Um honey, honey, honey, I have to talk to you ... until he finally is forced to turn around and scream in your face "WHAT!"

Actually, none of above are right answers. Unfortunately, minute you display jealousy, you convey neediness and insecurity and according to Jungian psychiatrist William Rock Penfield, people of both sexes find this extremely unattractive in a partner. What they really find attractive is something called "the unattainable." That is why your boyfriend is flirting with gorgeous interloper in first place. He knows he belongs to you and therefore she becomes attractive because she is unattainable. Another reason we flip out, and become jealous is because we know we've already been "attained". The person knows he already "has you" so there is nothing to chase... no thrill to hunt... cupid's arrow has already met its mark and now you are about as sexually exciting as a carcass thrown in a burlap sack.