Self Help: Is This the Right Person for Me?

Is This the Right Person for Me?

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

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Title: Is This repparttar 130146 Right Person for Me? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 865 Category: Relationships

Is This repparttar 130147 Right Person for Me? By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

“How will I know when I meet repparttar 130148 right person?”

I often hear this question in my counseling practice. The answer is fairly complex.

There are two different reasons that people have for wanting to get married:

1. To get love, validation, security and safety.

2. To share love and to grow emotionally and spiritually.

People who feel insecure and alone are likely to look for someone who will fill repparttar 130149 inner emptiness and give them repparttar 130150 love they are seeking. They want to find someone who will complete them and make them feel adequate and worthy. The problem is that no one can do this for another person - it is something we each need to learn to do for ourselves. Since we are always attracted to people who are at our common level of woundedness or our common level of health, a person looking to get love will attract a person also looking to get love. Each person hopes to get filled from repparttar 130151 other, not realizing that each feels empty and really has nothing to give. Therefore, no one is repparttar 130152 right person when repparttar 130153 intent of getting married is to get love and security rather than to share love and learning.

Instead of asking repparttar 130154 question, “Is this repparttar 130155 right person for me?” why not ask, “Am I being repparttar 130156 right person?” Am I being a person who comes to a relationship filled with love to share, or am I being a needy person hoping to get love and validation?

The main reason that many relationships don’t work out is because each person is disappointed in not getting what they expected to get from repparttar 130157 other person. But when a person does not know how to love and validate themselves and create an inner sense of safety and security, they certainly can’t do this for another person. Yet this is what each person expects of repparttar 130158 other. It’s like trying to get water from a rock. What do you have to give when you feel empty within and want to get filled through another’s love?

It is actually fairly easy to know if this is repparttar 130159 right person for you when your intent in being in a relationship is to learn together and share love. A person who comes from a full place within finds it easy to discern when someone is empty inside, and will not be attracted to repparttar 130160 empty person. A person who is truly open to learning about themselves, to growing emotionally and spiritually, to taking responsibility for their own feelings of safety and security, worth and lovability, will not be attracted to a person who is closed, controlling, and just wants to get love.

How Do You Build Self-Confidence?

Written by Skye Thomas

Years ago while running an at-home daycare, I came to realize that we're all born with an innate sense of self-confidence. Every single child under repparttar

age of five that I have ever observed has had a strong self-confidence in at least one area of their life. Most kids had confidence in all areas of their lives. It seems to me that they systematically lose that confidence and it's replaced by an inner critic. Quite often it's repparttar 130143

child's home life, but sometimes it's repparttar 130144

schools, neighborhood kids, extended family, or some other person who unknowingly destroys repparttar 130145

child's belief in themselves. Children have to be told they aren't good enough, strong enough, smart enough, talented enough to accomplish whatever it is they're trying to do. Unfortunately, most of us are told exactly that. So, how do we rebuild that sense of self-confidence?

The first thing I want you to do is to imagine that you had an ideal loving emotionally supportive childhood. Think about what kind of person you would have been if you had been raised to believe in yourself and in your natural gifts and talents. What were those gifts and talents? What were you really good at? What kinds of activities came easy for you? Now write down a list of talents, traits, attributes, and gifts that you loved and probably excelled at before you were convinced that you weren't any good at them. Choose items from that list for repparttar 130146 next step.

Self-confidence is broken a piece at a time. So you're going to rebuild it a piece at a time. Pick things from your list and plan out tiny baby steps. Were you meant to be a great artist? Then start out by doodling. Just start carrying a pencil and paper around with you and allow yourself to absentmindedly doodle little pictures. Eventually, allow repparttar 130147 passion to find it's way through you and you will begin to draw bigger and better, adding paints or whatever medium you were always meant to use. Were you supposed to be a musician? Then start humming little tunes in your head, begin playing around with an instrument. If it's possible, carry an instrument around with you and whenever you're bored or have some downtime, just sit and absentmindedly allow your fingers to play with it until repparttar 130148 music within you begins calling to you again. Whatever repparttar 130149 thing, pick something from your list and begin to play with it without paying a lot of attention to being perfect or talented or anything else. Just hold repparttar 130150 tools and space out awhile so that you can get out of your own self-consciousness and just play with repparttar 130151 tools. Nobody has to know if you don't want them to.

Repeat this process as much as you can. Keep picking up pieces of yourself on that list and adding them back into your sense of self. Don't wait until you've become really good at repparttar 130152 first new skill before picking up another one. Just play with each item on your list as repparttar 130153 mood crosses you. There's no need to beat yourself up for not being super talented because in reality all you are doing is simply playing with toys that remind you of your childhood. Allow your inner child, inner teenager, inner artist, inner musician to simply play. Eventually, you will come to realize one day that you do have natural gifts and talents and that will go a long way towards building your self-confidence.

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