Is This The One?Written by Skye Thomas
Isn't that million dollar question? How can I tell if this is one? Is this one my soulmate? How will I know when I find right one? There is no magic answer, but I can tell you what seems to work. I asked a psychic one time if a certain person was my soulmate. His answer, "If you have to ask, then he's not one." He went on to explain that with soulmates no matter how good or bad a day you have together, you wake up in morning knowing without a doubt that this is one and you go to bed at night knowing without a doubt that this is one. Nothing that happens in between those two points can change your mind.
Whenever I find happily married couples in their fifties or older who have been married for most of their lives to each other, I always ask them, "How did you know this was one?" Every single one of men answered same way. They all said that first time they laid eyes on girl, they knew in that moment that they would eventually propose to her. For every one of those men it was love at first sight. "But why that one? What made you fall in love with that particular woman at first glance?" Each one answers differently, but they all have a vague unanswerable quality that guy just knew she was it before they even knew what girl's name was.
The women all said they thought guy was nice enough, just okay, or a little goofy but not too bad. None of women fell head over heels right away. The women were all living a happy upbeat life and were not really searching for a husband when guy came along. That may be a big part of mystique that these women created. They were not needy nor desperate. Truth be told all of lifetime happily married women I know are very strong and independent, but loyal and loving women. None of them are nags nor codependent types.
The thing that all of these couples have in common is that each one was relatively happy and mentally healthy going about their lives, their goals, and their dreams. All of them planned to some day fall in love and get married to one person for life but none were attached to a soulmate type concept or ideal. None of these people were sexually loose but they weren't complete prudes either. They chose not to sleep around because they had a strong sense of self-respect. Some had religious beliefs that added to dynamic and others did not. All were of a mindset that you simply didn't whore around for heck of it.
In all cases, man chased woman. You have to remember deep underlying needs of male and females of our species. The man must hunt and conquer. If she's too easy to catch, then there must be something wrong with her. Right or wrong, men have a very deep down need to 'win' girl. They were all upbeat, bright, kind, loving women with full happy lives of their own. None of women were pushovers and none of women were easy to 'win.' It was always love at first sight on man's end, but not on woman's. The women were not cold and unapproachable, so men were able to charm them and 'win' them over. All of these relationships had at least a two-year courtship and engagement period. Their eyes were wide open when they said, "I do."
To Stay Married, Start DatingWritten by Terry Hernon MacDonald
One of my favorite memories from last year was not watching my young daughters rip into their Christmas presents, or seeing them perform in school talent show. No, my happiest recollection was date my husband and I went out on one stormy Tuesday night in November.
A few days before, we’d had our fill of running girls to swimming lessons and fighting with them to do their homework. We could not endure sight of one more PTA notice requesting money for this fundraiser or attendance at that meeting. We broke. We called a sitter and reserved a table at most elegant restaurant in town.
And what a night it was. The sitter was late, of course, and wind was snapping off tree branches and hurling them at our car, but we made it. The food, wine, and service were fine. We put children firmly out of our minds. By time salad came, we were sufficiently unwound.
We started having fun. We were laughing. The subjects of weird charge on our cell phone bill or our dire need for a new refrigerator never entered discussion. We were transformed into couple we used to be before children, two cars, and a mortgage. We were footloose, fancy free, and out for a good time.
The happiness of that evening stayed with us for many days. We were attentive to one another. We remembered why we’d gotten married and were glad for it, proving my mother’s advice that happy couples continue to date each other forever.
“It’s important,” she’d say.
But, in early years of our marriage, I’d make excuses. Diaper and formula bills left little money for nights out on town. It was impossible to find a good babysitter. It was selfish of us to take time away from children.